Experimental writing 1: A missed connection

Prologue

It had always been the colours. Everything about this place had enriched her vision; it wasn’t just the the blue of the sky or green of the woodlands. It was also the clarity of thought which the open sea offered. She trod water and against the turquoise depths, looked down at the new jewels on her finger. The glittering wedding ring of emerald green and sapphire blue seemed to be part of the water, part of her. She moved suddenly, twisting and diving, a perfect physical expression of the pure joy she felt. She was finally at peace with all facets of her life for once. It seems miracles do happen.

***

She was excited about the thought of spending a couple of months staying with her best friend. When you meet your soul mate time apart doesn’t seem to count, so even though it had only been eight short weeks since she had been on Sark with Vicky, she was looking forward to more time on the island with her. She had enjoyed the time there earlier in the year and a germ of an idea was forming about a move to the Channel Islands. She just needed to be certain it was right. 

After several years abroad, she had certainly not given up on the idea of remaining in Dalmatia but there were European events to consider; who knows if she would be able to stay indefinitely, even if it was now her only home. She considered getting her own little clifftop stone cottage and join the friendly, slightly crazy community of people on that isolated rock. She could do lonely and windswept, and, she mused, it would be nice to be reunited with her books too. Whatever the outcome it was better than being back in London, or some other place in the UK. 

The UK in 2019 was an unwelcoming and unfamiliar place. She often had to return there for work purposes and despite the intensity of her job and the consuming nature of interesting conversations with like minded people, it was no longer her spiritual home;  that busy world had faded from her mind and she no longer suffered pangs when a new exhibition opened. FOMO had FO. She only missed certain friends, and she often thought of her family. Meeting with her brother in Brighton whilst she had been at a conference had been a real treat. There is nothing like a hug from a family member to make you feel warm and loved. Anyway, all she knew was that the first time she sailed out of Poole towards Guernsey, she didn’t look back, but faced forward, leaving exhaustion and hangover work conference fumes behind her. 

***

"Wake up, wake up”, screamed an alarm clock at 5.30am.

It was an early start on this particular two day voyage. Getting from Split to Sark was a logistical nightmare and involved a change in Germany, an overnight stay in an overpriced Guernsey Airbnb so she could get the first ferry out to Sark. Typically she hadn’t checked the calendar properly when she’d booked the flights and she had managed to include a bank holiday weekend which meant everyone was going to the Channel Islands at the same time as she was. Or so it felt. 

A sleepy lift to the airport and a hug from a friend sent her on her way. She was soon regretting her decision to arrive early as she waited and waited for the gate to open. As it happens the flight was delayed leaving and  she experienced a fleeting unease about her connection in Stuttgart. She dismissed it remembering how she’d managed to catch every other connecting flight during those awkward off-season trips. She was determined not to feel anxious, what could possibly go wrong?

Thirty minutes into the short flight, through her headphones, she heard her name being announced over the tannoy. What on earth was going on?

“Excuse me, I understand you have a connecting flight? Would you come to the front of the cabin?”, the flight attendant explained. "You will get off first and must run through the terminal because you have no time to lose. We will ask them to hold the flight for you and you will be fine but you must not stop and have a beer.”

Having a beer wasn’t really her first thought when she had a tight connection to make. Although she oddly felt in need of a stiff drink now - full anxiety mode had kicked in. She sat there, green-faced, clutching her handbag, poised and ready to fly off the plane as soon as it was ready. 

It was inevitable. She had finally met her airport match and her travel luck had run out, along with the once-a-week flight to the Channel Islands. Clearly they hadn’t received the message that someone else was joining them from another flight. She wandered miserably back through the terminal towards baggage reclaim, where she waited ages for her bag to appear. Frankly she was just relieved that it hadn’t decided to take the flight without her! She had no idea what to do next, so went to have a conversation with a brisk but kindly lady at the airport information desk. She was offered another ticket which promised a 15 minute run through Birmingham International airport, and an over-night in Jersey. Another Airbnb at stupidly inflated prices, IF she made that midlands-channel island connection. 

“Seriously? You want me to get on a flight with another tight connection, after missing this one?” The patient woman looked sympathetic. Close to tears, Clare made an instant decision and begged for a flight back home to Split and was efficiently provided with a ticket for the next day and hotel vouchers. Slightly dazed and unthinking, she checked in and entered a smart hotel bedroom. Hot, dishevelled and tears starting to fall, she sat on the bed. Vicky was given the story and both of them decided this was the best thing to do, despite the obvious sadness. There would be other opportunities. 

There wasn’t much else to do but get changed and get something to eat and drink. The wine waiter decided that she was in need of cheering up and instead of the glass she’d ordered, he brought the entire bottle. 

It was an uneventful journey home and the same friend that dropped her off, picked her up at the airport. The Dalmatian “what can you do" shrug was contagious, and the warm hugging weather did it’s best to cheer her up. How sad can you stay when the sun and light gives you such a welcome home? With this in her mind, she decided to book a proper tourist boat trip for her bank holiday treat for the coming Monday. What better way of contemplating the future is there than bowling along on the waves of the Adriatic?

High noon in Sark

Where to start?

After the previous night's debacle at Chief Pleas, the directors of the Isle of Sark Shipping Company (IOSS) hastily convened a public meeting for noon on the 27th of August, not only that, but they also released a document detailing their response to the Chief Pleas allegations (item 5 if you're interested).

If you're an avoid avid reader of the Sark Newspaper, you might have seen that on pages 10/11 there was a piece, in the usual damning style, that questioned the need for such a hurried event, especially as it was in the middle of tourist season. Rather inevitably it forgot to mention that the more usual time for a public forum was impossible owing to the tiny issue of a pandemic. The time set though was a far more worker friendly one of 6:30pm, and, whilst many would still be busy, this is also after the last boat returns to Guernsey thus ensuring as many people as possible could attend.

Five of the IOSS directors turned out for the meeting, Yan Milner (Managing Director), Paul Burnard (Finance Director) and three of the four non-executive directors, Peter Gill (Chairman), Richard Graham and Andy Cook. Unfortunately Mark Dunster couldn't attend

Let's just nip back to that Sark Newspaper article where the current board where described rather poetically as of the  "off heads, on cabbages" school of management. Hmm, okay, let's look at what this field of cabbages is made up of...

Peter Gill, previously a Guernsey Harbour Master, has spent all of his life in shipping and managing shipping.

Yan Milner, ex Condor Ferries and knows a bit about the merchant side of running a shipping company.

Paul Burnard, ex BDO, extremely experienced in financial matters, as Peter described it "far beyond the needs of this company", he is also a member of the ethics committee of the Institute of Chartered Accountants, and a Jurat.

Andy Cook, a Sark resident. I met and know Andy through the Sark Electricity User Group, he's diligent, a cogent thinker and brings a wealth of knowledge, experience and, of course, an interest in what is best for Sark.

Colonel Richard Graham, formally the Lieutenant Governors ADC in Guernsey, hence bringing the knowledge and connections this inevitably fosters.

Mark Dunster

Le chou

Cabbages? Surely not, perhaps it's a Sercquiais word for someone whose skills and experience can only be attacked by name calling as the sky fairy forbids recognition of abilities when they don't suit your agenda. Who knows?

Peter started by acknowledging that their communication with the public had not been as good as it ought. This was a theme that would come up time and time again, I suspect that they will do something about it. However, he also stated that, unilateral communication aside, they were open and transparent. Sadly, the same can't be said for Chief Pleas. Whilst we're talking of communication, guys, seriously, if you're reading this, put your directors biographies and qualifications on your website!

Back to the talk.

Peter went on to state that the board of the company is charged with operating and acting in the best interests of the company, which is by definition, in the interests of the Isle of Sark. If you didn't already know, IOSS is owned by the Isle of Sark, unusually, the directors do not have shares in the company. He went on, that's not to say they have to do what the shareholders say they should do.

On to the Sark Venture. This came out of service early in the year and was expected to be unavailable for a very short while. Unfortunately, whilst out of service they discovered other issues with the vessel and, along with requirements of the MCA, it meant they head to extend the period it was out of service.

Do you remember the issue over the MCA? No? Okay, well, the MCA had confirmed by email that they would not be able to travel to Guernsey to certify the vessel and if moved to the UK they would not attend it as it had come from overseas. Fair enough. However Conseiller Guille, it's coming back to you isn't it, said he'd unilaterally contacted the MCA, though he's not authorised to speak for the company, and, apparently he his informed by the senior surveyor that they'd had a change of heart and they could take the vessel to the UK to have it surveyed. Bless, there will be more on this. A huge change of circumstance and Peter was very pleased to hear this.

However...

On returning to Guernsey the next day, they immediately went to see the Guernsey Harbour Master to explain they'd now been told they could take the vessel to the UK and have it surveyed there and that the MCA were happy for them to do this. Hurrah!

The Harbour Master was a little surprised, Yan Milner was flabbergasted, why? Well before taking any voyage, the master of any vessel must assure himself that the vessel is seaworthy, seems obvious to me. But how do you do this? Well, first you need to ask yourself, is the vessel stable? You'll do this by referring to the vessel's stability booklet. However... as a result of the shiny new (French, remember?) engines and, owing to previous MCA concerns, the vessel stability booklet was now null and void.

Oh. Can you see where this is going.

So you can't use this booklet as a means to establish the vessel is seaworthy. Now I'm sure Conseiller Guille is a fine naval architect, but this little detail must have slipped his mind. I'm sure he would have remembered eventually. They asked the Harbour Master whether he could assure them that they could make the voyage as they were unsure even though the MCA had agreed with Conseiller Guille that this was the case. Further could the Harbour Master agree, in writing, that he, or the MCA, or anyone, could be held responsible and that it was safe to do the voyage to the UK. The Harbour Master didn't actually laugh, but he did say he would contact the MCA to establish how they'd come to this decision... 

Later that day, he came back to say the MCA back pedalled a little and had agreed to reconsider. Whilst this was going on, Peter had a brainwave, we have an air-bridge with the Isle of Man, and as they have a shipping register along with surveyors who could visit and do the survey. WooHoo!

Peter asked the Harbour Master to suggest to the MCA that if they wouldn't do it, would they accept an Isle of Man inspection? After all, they have equivalent competence!

The MCA didn't like that. They are the competition, and wouldn't accept and Isle of Man surveyor. Oh.

Now on the back foot, the MCA agreed that all that needed to happen was for Yan to agree with them a date when the surveyor could visit. The date is pending and this is probably the only positive thing that's come from Conseiller Guille's ham fisted attempt at interfering.

Next. Peter went on to reference to a recent Paul Armorgie interview that expressed how good a summer Sark has had, indeed IOSS have committed to carrying circa 20,000 passengers, that's crossings already done and those booked. These were done on their own bat, the last instructions received from the representatives of the shareholders, that is through Chief Pleas, was there was to be effectively a winter service of only two cargo boats per week for the foreseeable future.

There have been no further instructions.

The company decided to lay on the services beyond those required and, fortuitously, this has made the company (owned by Sark) better off to the tune of around £250,000. This is a good thing™. Furthermore, they also required that IOSS made all staff redundant beyond those needed for the basic cargo service. Let's repeat this...

Through Chief Pleas, presumably Policy & Finance, all IOSS staff other than those needed for a cargo services were to be terminated.

Remember that bit about them not having to listen to the shareholders, fortunately they did what was best for the company and the Isle of Sark, the primary directive. The redundancies alone would have cost around £50,000. But there's more and we'll come back to that in a while.

At this point a member of the audience asked a very simple question, who are the shareholders? As if the island owns the shares then she, as an islander, doesn't recall being asked if those were suitable instructions. Quite right, I certainly wasn't asked.

Until about six or seven weeks ago, the shares were held in trust by the Seigneur, the Prévôt and Treasurer of Sark, the company was then instructed by Policy& Finance Committee to transfer those shares in to the name of the Chief Pleas of Sark. Now here's the thing, I've just gone back through resolutions of Chief Pleas back to Easter and... nothing. Nothing appears to note, authorise or, presumably, discuss this transfer. I'll go through the agendas and Hansard after I've written this to see if I can find anything that reports that happening.

You might, dear reader, be unsurprised to learn that with the possible exception of Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman and the directors of IOSS, this was news to everyone. It got a little loud at this point.

There was a clarification that this was allowed as P&F did have the mandate to do so, but that doesn't take away the fact that this was kept quiet. And to think P&F complained about IOSS not communicating.

On to Yan Milner.

We'd been warned that, unlike Peter, Yan liked to talk. To be honest, he was a pleasure to listen to, informative, engaging and clearly passionate about what he does.

He started out by saying in the previous they had carried more passengers than in any of the previous ten years. Since he took over things have steadily improved and, coupled with efficiencies and changes they had a strong balance sheet. This meant they had reached the point where they were in the position to purchase a new vessel, so they went through the correct channels and gained permission from Chief Pleas to make the purchase. That purchase went through and whilst, owing to the pandemic, it's still with the previous owners, they are looking after it. This was also driven by a move from the MCA to remove old tonnage and in the case of the Bon Marin de Serk they were in a position to either sell or scrap the vessel. They found, via a broker, a buyer in Finland who was ready just before lockdown to sign. By all accounts this was a better sale than they expected and certainly more than they would have received if it had been scrapped.

The buyer is still interested and they are looking at ways of getting the boat to him or him to the boat.

With the Sark Belle there was a buyer that wished to take the vessel immediately, however they asked him to wait as it was early in the season and they wished to ensure it was available as a backup as they bedded in the new boat. Sounds sensible and pragmatic to me. Unfortunately, the buyers business was operating excursions from cruise ships along the Firth of Forth, needless to say, this has been impacted by... All together now, the pandemic.

He's still interested but the sale is on hold until things clear, there is however another potential buyer.

Back to the Sark Venture. This would remain as a general purpose vessel, so backup for both passenger and cargo crossings, as well as excursions from cruise ships to Sark. The big problem with the Sark Venture was the engine being near the end of its life and, as was seen last year, there were increasing problems. But that wasn't all, it was the perfect time to install new RADARs, plotters, refurbish the cabin, needless to say with an old boat, as they took it apart they found more issues. He mentioned that as this was a passenger boat, you couldn't just do a quick bodge job. For instance, any welding had to be done by an approved coded welder, hard to find, not cheap and, as it turned out, they didn't plan on said welder being sent to prison. That didn't help.

And then there was the pandemic. Suddenly they didn't have £1.3 million worth of passenger revenue and all of the equipment and contractors has to be paid for somehow. Even the cargo revenue was down. As directors they couldn't ask for contractors to work for them if they knew they were not in a position to pay them. It doesn't matter if the creditor wasn't asking for payment, the fact remains you can't do it. This is to protect not just the directors, but also the company. As for administration, it's there to protect the company and keep it running. It's not the same as liquidation.

At the same time, they spoke with the States of Guernsey, part of this was to gain assurances that if needed, their work boat would be available to keep the flow of cargo to Sark.

Work didn't stop on the Sark Venture, it slowed down. At the time the company said that once they were in a position of positive cash flow, work would resume as normal. Pragmatic. And this is what happened. As an aside, there had been a date set of mid-April for the MCA to perform their inspection.

Yan also touched on the fact that if they had sent the Sark Venture to the UK, if anything had happened, he would have found himself in front of the MAIB, the Harbour Master and probably the Police. In short, they couldn't consider sending the vessel away. Even though he was 99.999% certain it would pass the test, that wasn't good enough. He then explained how the stability tests are based on the date from previous tests. For instance, a few years ago the results were miles out from where they expected. The result of this would have been reducing the cargo capacity of the Sark Venture to 15 tons with nothing on the roof owing to a raised centre of gravity. They did check, and found this wasn't the case, but that doesn't matter, it's what the surveyors find from calculations made on the stability model. Don't worry, I'm not going to now delve in to research as to why this matters. We'll trust the experienced expert.

They maintained the cargo service, they forecast figures in to 2021 and, having been told to not expect to see any passengers before next season, i.e. 2021. This was in May, as mentioned above, they were asked to make staff redundant, which Yan was reluctant to do this, firstly because new regulations in Guernsey said that unless you were a certified hand, or a certified engineer, or a certified master, you can't operate as crew. Coupled with the need for Sark pilotage he doubted there were more than a dozen people in Guernsey qualified to drive a commercial vessel to Sark. Don't want to lose that. If they lost them, they might not be able to replace them.

Instead, they used the director's good relationship with the States of Guernsey and it was agreed to furlough the staff, not ideal, but it meant they remained as available.

And then... June arrived, along with the Bailiwick Bubble, and suddenly a passenger service was needed again. Remember that bit about doing what was best for the company and the island? Good. They had avoided the £50,000 redundancy payments, the staff were ready to go and... the co-funding received from the States of Guernsey remains. If they'd been laid off and then re-employed this would not have happened. Result? £50,000 down and a full wage bill from little reserves. Not by any stretch of the imagination ideal.

How did this happen? Well, the talked, they listened, the looked ahead. In short, they managed the problem, no knee-jerk, no "I know better", simple, pragmatic management. I for one was grateful for this as on the 1st of June friends of mine from Guernsey came to visit and I couldn't have been happier to see them!

They had no idea how many passengers to carry. Yan explained how they calculated their market size, I might come back to this and add the figures. But let it just be said his process and calculations seemed reasonable. He went on, explaining the marginal cost of each vessel rotation, you can't just keep putting on boats, remember, this is in the interest of the company and ultimately Sark. The initial changes with the timings, peak sailing being moved from 10am to 9:45am, was simply because of... You guessed it, the pandemic and social distancing, namely to avoid the clash with visitors to Herm on the Trident. Pragmatic.

Initially they prioritised people travelling to stay rather than day-trippers. As demand has increased they have increased the number of rotations, the sailings. It's always about keeping the revenue above the cost. Think of this next time you're almost the only person on the boat in the winter, your ticket price is a fraction of what it costs to run it. It might be that it's not as convenient as it's been in the past, this is a year round service which means the company must balance its budget. And that means compromises.

He continued talking about load factor, how many passengers you get on the available crossings as compared to the amount of space. This is what drives profitability, which means you can invest in equipment, boats and, needless to say, making sure there is a service in winter when there are very few people using the service. This latter point, I feel, is key. You can't fritter away money just to ensure anyone can travel whenever suits them. You wouldn't get that from an airline or a train company, so why expect it of a boat. Talking of airlines, many of them will completely shut down routes over winter as they is little demand, in some areas, I'll use Croatia as I know it well, it's down to occasional flights from the bigger airlines and the state carrier to keep things moving. Sark Shipping is the state carrier, but it doesn't give them a bottomless pit of cash to draw on and I'm sure as tax payers we'd rather they didn't keep coming back to say "please sir, can I have more".

In short, they are doing well and it's efficient.

Yan did add, if it was his company and his money, he would run it exactly the same way. It was the sensible way.

Some other decisions were made along the way, one of which was to improve the experience for Guernsey visitors, for instance, if the weather was rough, they would give the option for day-trippers to cancel and move their crossing. If the weather was marginal and they might drop from two rotations to one, they would give priority to staying visitors over day-trippers when filling the one vessel, as he pointed out, they are not holidaymakers, they live in Guernsey, they can be flexible. Thank goodness. The reaction to this was positive. The decision was, again, pragmatic.

Next up... Paul Burnard to take us through the statement they'd released. But first, as he had a little more time having moved another meeting, he ran through the original P&F report...

He started by saying to say it's [the report] inaccurate is being extremely generous to the authors of the report.

He said, that's wrong. They purchased the boat on the 20th of March 2020, before the island had gone in to lockdown. They did not use deductions made for employee tax and social security payments as those deductions were not to be paid to the States of Guernsey until the 15th of April, by which time they would have had revenue to cover those deductions.

Chief Pleas approved the guarantee on the 19th of February. Why did it take so long? Well that will appear in the next blog post. The second part of this paragraph stating it was to fund general expenses was, as he put it, just not true. What the bank actually said was, they couldn't take a bond over the boat at the moment because it's in France (and under a French flag) so will you, Chief Pleas, release £200,000 of the loan to enable the company to keep going until such time that the bank can take on the bond over the boat. That's not what was said in the report. Chief Pleas refused to sign that guarantee.

He skipped ahead at this point. Which lead to me trying to find the relevant paragraph.

This redundancy exercise was never, as Yan said, agreed by the board. They would have cost the company £50,000 and a few weeks later they would have had to reemploy the staff, they wouldn't have got the redundancy packages back, plus, there would have been no States funding as they would have been classified as new employees.

As for the further financial injection? He clearly stated, that's not true. 

What is true, he went on, is at the time all of the company financing was rearranged with the bank and the bank placed a condition on Chief Pleas that said, on top of us advancing a loan of £350,000 to the company and an overdraft of £220,000, £570,000 total, all the board requested was the borrowing of £350,000. However, a member of P&F, without the board's knowledge, went to the bank and negotiated a deal making the island liable for £220,000 more than the board wanted. The bank also said to Chief Pleas they needed to put in £30,000 to support the companies immediate cashflow. As it happened, they put in £20,000. A few weeks later, once operations resumed, Paul received a call from the bank manager who said he'd received a call from Conseiller Raymond asking if the company could repay them the £20,000 they've committed to put in. Unsurprisingly, the bank manager said no.

It was this last act that lead directly to Paul offering his resignation from the company, even though the report said...

I'm big on details, I'm not so sure P&F are. Paul resigned on the 25th of July. These inaccuracies paint a very different picture to reality, the report is looking like a work of persuasive, plausible fiction. Though in this case, names haven't been changed to protect the innocent.

The report goes on.

Paul: They haven't, he had clause 3.4 ingrained in his memory.

Finance & Resources Committee will appoint a liaison officer who will act as the principal point of liaison between Chief Pleas, Finance & Resources Committee, Harbours & Shipping Committee and the Company on a day to day basis.

Oh dear, they haven't appointed one of those. Mind you, it's only been two years, and we know it takes ages to do anything, which is presumably why they gave other Conseillers only a few hours to read and digest a report. Then 46 hours to review it all before returning, I'll not bore you with the details again. 

Right, back to their response to Chief Pleas.

1) The purchase of Corsaire de Iles 2. There were no conditions place on that purchase regarding how it would be funded. That's what the directors are for, Paul then reminded people of the previous years meeting when he'd predicted they would have £900,000 in the bank by the end of the financial year. Sure enough, he reported, they had £900,000 in the bank at the end of the financial year. It's almost as if they are doing their jobs well. As soon as the purchase was agreed by Chief Pleas, the company paid the deposit of £127,279 to the vendors of the boat. It was non-refundable and if the company had withdrawn from the purchase, they would have lost the money. This is not in the interest of the company or the island. Owing to the extended delay in Chief Pleas signing the guarantee, the company had no choice but to find other means to pay for the boat, using both their cash reserves and part of the overdraft facility. Even after finalising the purchase, they had £30,000 headway in their overdraft facility. 

2) was skipped as, well, it was quite simply untrue.

3) Pushing the company to administration. It was not the board that did this, it was P&F's actions. The company's tax and social security contributions amounted to £50,637. Paul had negotiated a repayment programme of 3 monthly instalments of £16,879. They paid the one at the end of March, informing P&F of this in a conference call, which involved one of the financial supporters from the States of Guernsey, P&F said it was all fine, not a problem. When it came to paying, the company asked for funds and P&F said... No, we're only giving money for the wages. Errr, were they listening at all? The company had given an undertaking to the States of Guernsey, who were supporting them to the tune of £10,000 a week to support the wage bill, and even though the company had made the undertaking, P&F said, no, you can't pay it. P&F also said, send us a list of creditors and, presumably going through the list, "oh, not them, they've only been there six weeks, they can wait".

At this point I should point out that I used a number of words that my mother wouldn't approve of. Actually, I wouldn't approve of either.

Remember the brief bio I did above? Paul, being a member of the ethics committee of the ICAEW and a Jurat and all that, well, this means he has to be squeaky clean and they could not put the company in a position where they reneged on an agreement with the States of Guernsey or didn't pay suppliers. Though only advice he could reasonably give was to put the company in to administration. Never mind the personal liabilities, the company would have been at risk. This would be very bad for the island.

Just remember, this was triggered by P&Fs actions.

4) Failure to implement redundancies. Within 10 days of being told by P&F that they needed to implement redundancies the world, well, our little bit of it, changed again. How they laughed.

In short, if they'd done what the masterminds of P&F had insisted on, the Isle of Sark would be very different today, and not in a good way. That P&F were using this as a stick to beat them with simply beggars belief.

5) The board has mismanaged the finances. If they'd followed the instructions of P&F, they would have lost credibility with their suppliers, and with the States of Guernsey, spent £50,000 on unnecessary redundancy packages, furthermore... the revised bank financing, arranged by P&F, without any reference to the board, has cost the company an extra £14,000 in bank and legal charges. Plus, the island is liable for £120,000 more of guarantees. Also, the company has had to grant mortgages over all five vessels because of the negotiations that Conseiller Raymond did with the bank. The company were only looking for a mortgage on the boat they were buying.

Well done Conseiller Raymond, take a gold star, you've exposed the island and the company, and it was all done without reference to the company.

Some good news!

As of Wednesday this week, the company had £45,000 in the bank, that means, with the overdraft facility, they have £265,000 head room! More to the point, this is £265,000 better off than where they thought they would be when the financing was arranged.

And this, dear hearts, is what P&F call financial mismanagement. I think not, though I'd question P&F's judgement.

To finish off the presentation, Peter referred to a time about 18 months ago when Conseiller Guille decided, unilaterally, to attend a board meeting. He was shown the door as he'd neither been directed to do so my P&F nor had they informed the board that he was their liaison officer. This is your occasional reminder that as of last night they still don't have a liaison officer. If only they had an efficient civil servant to tell them what they need to do.

Anyhoo, Peter felt that Conseiller Guille didn't appreciate this. But it was a private meeting. Sorry bonny lad.

Peter went on to tell us that they only found out the previous day that their staff had sent a letter of support to all Conseillers, he, and the rest of the board, appeared to be genuinely moved by this and that they were eternally grateful for the letter and they would like to thank them.

Paul made a further comment on communication. He was trawling through the Chief Pleas looking for some information for the public meeting on Monday evening, you know, the one the Sark Newspaper felt was a little odd, he saw there was to be a special meeting on Tuesday and that there would be a proposition made regarding Sark Shipping. Quite rightly, as an executive director, he contacted P&F to say that in the interest you should let the board know what the proposition is about.

Astonishingly... this was met with silence.

Yan's final statement was to say he felt privileged to work with his fellow board members, that he trusts them, he'd even trust them with his money. There might have been laughter. He went on to say, that what the board do is not because it's their jobs or livelihood, that doing things risks their reputations with the rest of their work. Further, he said how much he loved what he did, his enthusiasm for the job, but, that if it was required for him to go he would accept gracefully on the proviso that this was done properly.

And this seemed to be the view of the entire board. Any change had to be done properly. This would mean new directors being approved after interviews, references, in short, a proper process.

At this point I will stop writing as I need a cup of tea, it's meat draw night and, also, the Sark Hillclimb. My impromptu day off has been spent trying to bash my scribbled notes unto something that vaguely makes sense. Unlike the P&F report, obvs.

But I will say this. The board were candid, honest, clear, intelligent. They know their stuff. They know the business. They made the right choices in difficult circumstances.

After the end of the presentation, the talking and questions went on for another hour, and, I will come back to this because I feel it's worth recording.

What's odd though is trying not to leap forward to what happened a few hours later during the reprised Chief Pleas meeting. I'd like to say that P&F managed to show they had listened and were statesmanlike, but, spoiler alert, it was clear they hadn't. The write up won't quite be a giant rollercoaster of a novel in four hundred sizzling chapters, a searing indictment of twisted politics in Sark, with some hot gypsies thrown in. Though, I imagine it could be.

We know what the ending is, you'll just have to wait to see how I present it.

Adieu.

 

A very fine mess.

In the heady days of 1980s video game development, we had a phrase: "a millisecond is an eternity, but three months is never enough". This might seem a strange place to start in a summary of last night's decidedly peculiar Chief Pleas Extraordinary Meeting, but there is a point and that point is the perception and use of time. When I talk of perception of time I don't mean anything like the perception I wrote of some years ago, but rather what is perceived to be acceptable by some and yet simply insane by others.

The issue at hand was concerns of the Chief Pleas Policy & Finance (P&F) and Harbours, Shipping & Pilotage committees. The method of redress sought was the removal of the current Sark Shipping board of directors and replace them with three new named directors, with immediate effect. Now you might think that an issue of this complexity and magnitude, not to mention significance for the island, would mean Conseillers would be given all of the relevant information and evidence long in advance of the meeting, but no, this was not to be.

Indeed the proposed agenda, as of yesterday morning, had a note to say the report and supporting documentation would not be available until the afternoon. It did eventually appear and was limited and, on reading, fairly damning.

Unfortunately, it was also somewhat disingenuous, poorly laid out and lacking in any supporting evidence. Now I can appreciate that some of the more sensitive material might not be expected to appear in a public agenda, however there was no indication that transcripts and evidence were given to Conseillers for them to digest.

That aside, the issue here is time.

I first saw sight of the report around noon, though I believe it was issued to Conseillers at about 10am, without the supporting documentation. This gives nine hours for Conseillers to read, digest, understand and draw conclusions. Unfortunately there were issues.

The first issue was it was one side's view, as clearly shown later that day when Sark Shipping issued another open letter to Conseillers expressing their disappointment that it had not been shared with them officially, rather it was up to a single concerned Conseiller to forward the report directly to them.

Can you imagine going to court and only the prosecution being allowed to speak and give evidence? No? Well this is what was happening and certainly left little time for Sark Shipping to defend themselves against the accusations.

Sark is a working island and as Conseillers are unpaid for their services to the island through Chief Pleas, the majority work for a living. Which is an issue if you have to read, digest, understand and draw conclusions from information that was not made available to them until nine hours before the meeting. Why? Because many were working.

For example, one Conseiller in particular, when approached on this matter, stated they had left home at 07:00 and had seen nothing of the report, but was then going home to look at this. Assuming for a moment that most work nominally normal hours, it's likely they had perhaps at best two or three hours to digest what they had received. Two or three hours is insufficient time to digest around eleven pages of report and supporting documentation as well as, because they wish to be diligent, reading the open letter from Sark Shipping.

This is unacceptable. And not in a disingenuous, play-to-the-camera Liz Truss kind of way.

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll already know that the result of the meeting was a two day deferment, so before I cover the detail of what was discussed, let's look at this.

Two days. 48 hours. Surely that's enough? Well, no. It's not 48 hours for a start. The Speaker announced the meeting would reconvene at 19:00 on the 27th of August, as he said this it was around 21:00. 46 hours. Presumably people will want to sleep and if they manage a glorious 8 hours a night, this brings us to 30 hours. Unfortunately as many of the Conseillers will have work to deal with, we lose perhaps another 8 hours a day, a nice fat 14 hours left. Of course, there will be other things to deal with, family to see, food to eat, beer to be drunk. Let's be generous and say they now have 10 hours.

In those ten hours, presumably in the evening, they are going to attempt to make sense of the report without being able to easily plan, call, email or whatever those involved to gather further evidence and confirmation of what is being stated. Unfortunately, of those 10 hours, some of them were post meeting. So we lose perhaps another two or three. Let's call it 7. Those seven hours are, realistically speaking, going to be this evening, so if someone finishes work at 5pm, heads home, ignores the family, eats as they read... They are still looking at working until midnight.

They will be tired. They will have barely begun to unpick what is being said by both sides. They will have had no chance to challenge the strength of the statements made.

In short, act in haste, repent at leisure.

Could this be the reason why Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman insisted that they wouldn't budge on the 2 day timeframe? Surely not.

Two days may have seemed perfectly reasonable on the face of things. It patently isn't. The perception of time can be a cruel mistress.

So about that meeting.

Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman began his introduction by stating that this report had been written in conjunction with the law officers and that whilst it coming at short notice, it was above board. Of course this rather assumes that the law officers were given all of the facts in a completely transparent matter.

And there we have the crux of the problem with this whole affair, in fewer than two dozen words he has said it's short notice. At this point you would expect he'd apologise and ask, in the spirit of not just doing the right thing but being seen to do the right thing, for a respectable deferment to allow members of Chief Pleas to fully digest what was written. Of course this didn't happen.

He began to give his brief overview of the report.

"Over the last 18 months both committees have been working with the board of Sark Shipping to ensure our lifeline service is robust and fit for service". Well, quite, that's what we would expect at the very least.

He then explained that at the beginning of last year there were concerns that all vessels, other than the Sark Viking, were nearing the end of their operational life and would need would need significant overhauls. He helpfully reminded us that the Bon Marin de Serk, which was misnamed in the report, came out of service with no apparent replacement.

This is disingenuous, as he well knows. The implication is nothing had been done and yet the P&F support documents clearly states that the vessel identified in January 2019 (M.V. Star Riviera) had fallen through in October 2019. More than a month after the Bon Marin de Serk was taken out of service. Clearly this showed up as the Sark Shipping board of directors worked through their due diligence and, however inconvenient it might have been, had to withdraw from the purchase.

How could someone have forgotten such an important detail from a report that they were involved in creating, just hours after it was released. Strange.

He then moved on to the big one, "In May this year, Sark Shipping threatened to put the company in to administration". Well, it's difficult to tie up the loose ends on this one without a full and detailed review. However in the report there is reference to the purchase of the replacement vessel (M.V. Corsaire des Isles) and how it had been pushed ahead without telling P&F. This, unfortunately, is a reality of business and I suspect, contractual obligations. The purchase began on March the 19th based on Chief Pleas having agreed support on February the 19th. Great. Well, except that the guarantee documentation wasn't signed until the 6th of April. Without having sight of the contract I suspect that the reason Sark Shipping "pushed ahead" with the sale was because they had too.

Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman called this purchase reckless. With a suitable sense of drama he described how it was completed after France had entered lockdown. Quelle horreur! Non, ce sont des contrats.

If only Chief Pleas had appointed a liaison officer as was required by their memorandum of understanding with Sark Shipping, this break in communication could have been easily bridged.

Combined with the sudden and rather drastic drop in revenues owing to the pandemic and full lockdown, the very revenues the business case would have needed to complete payment for the vessel, this would, I imagine have stretched Sark Shipping massively and their "threat" to go in to administration was less a threat and more a statement of one of the possible outcomes.

But threat makes a better headline. A bit like reckless.

The reality is, on this part of the affair, the company was kept together. There is a danger of just focussing on this one company without using a wider context. Across the Bailiwick, Europe, the World, many companies were struggling equally, many had had gone in to administration, it's what happens when things go horribly wrong. The very fact that Sark Shipping isn't in administration and has weathered the storm, with a little help from Chief Pleas, is a testament to the directors.

He then went on to discuss the Sark Venture being taken out of service and how this time grew. More importantly he touch on how the P&F committee hadn't been made aware that the engines were of French manufacture. If only they'd had a liaison officer to reveal each and every detail. You know, the one they were supposed to have. This decision, he stated, lead to complications owing to the pandemic. Well, yes, I suspect that at the beginning of January, nobody had any clue what was going to happen in the next two months and the decision to use an engine from this particular manufacturer was the right one at the time.

Next up he stated that allegedly, the Marine & Coastguard Agency (MCA) would not be prepared to travel to certify the vessel on completion. Allegedly. Okay, we'll be coming back to this, for the moment though, this is what allegedly looks like...

This, dear hearts, is what one might call actual evidence. Not hearsay, not picking up the phone and allegedly chatting to someone. An electronic trail that can be checked with the MCA. I imagine there will be more evidence where this comes from.

Whatever there is, this directly contradicts Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman saying the MCA wouldn't travel is a lie. It is true, the MCA said it was true just 7 days before. So either Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman is confused, misinformed or, for the purposes of this railroading exercise, telling a lie. Who knows, I wouldn't like to judge.

A further option was presented where by the vessel could be taken to the UK for certification. Unfortunately, for the purposes of manufacturer guarantee, a representative had to be there for the commissioning of the engine. Again this was impacted by the pandemic.

He went on to state that they had contacted the manufacturer who had said the commissioning inspection could be handled by an English company and after contacting the company they assured P&F they would be prepared to travel. At this point you'd expect any reasonable person to pass this information on to Sark Shipping so that they could take advantage of this offer. This has all happened since the 10th of August during their last meeting with Sark Shipping. I trust there is firm evidence of this communication and not just hearsay.

Shortly after this there was a moment where, given what I said above about time, I had to suppress a laugh... "most of the non-executive directors are extremely busy in their fields of work and this might be part of the reason for the lack of due diligence on their part". Oh the irony drippeth.

How can the hardworking members of Chief Pleas give their full attention and due diligence whilst being extremely busy and having so little time in which to complete this task before Thursday at 19:00?... As I write that's less than 31 hours away.

At this point he moved on to naming the proposed directors. Julie Mann, John Guille and Richard Wickins. At this point, I should note that John Guille had not declared his interest and not recused himself from the proceedings. Oh dear.

As Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman wound things up, making further damning statements, I couldn't help but wonder whether the evidence to back these up was to be presented to the other members. 

Next up it was Conseiller Raymond, he started with the words "the debate today". Debate, really? Is that even the Chief Pleas way of doing things? It felt more like a hatchet job. He began to drone on, I'm sure he's a lovely guy, but he's not the most engaging of speakers. However, I pricked up my ears and began scribbling again when he said...

"...the Shipping Company is overdrawn" having paid out the the new engine. Perhaps his information is out of date because this is what Sark Shipping wrote earlier in the day as an open letter:

Right... Once again, this is a point where things should stop as clearly there is a material difference with the two sides. Of course if this was a court, and I don't mean a kangaroo court as rather deliciously described by the Guernsey Press, evidence could be presented to show how this important piece of information is, well, wrong. It may very well be true, needless to say, and, if so, said evidence would cast Sark Shipping in a poor light given their earlier open letter. Sadly, for both the reputation of Chief Pleas and the island, it is P&F that is hogging this dim light.

He droned on with further detailed information, it's a shame we can't record this, it would help me sleep. I imagine this was all documented, I can't imagine Conseiller Raymond making anything up. Though I do dispute his statement that the directors approaching Chief Pleas to state that if no financial support was forthcoming they would have to put the company in to administration (still not a threat) was in breach of their fiduciary duty, far from it, this is precisely what directors should be doing if there is a significant risk of the company becoming insolvent. He stated that they could have resigned at that point, well, yes, but they didn't as, in my view, they were trying to find solutions to keep the company running. To resign would be running away. Besides, once in administration I suspect the administrators would remove them from office.

Next up was Conseiller Guille, needless to say he didn't state his interest in this affair, as one might expect, regardless of how obvious it was. He stumbled on with some description of the options regarding new vessels, expressing surprise as to why things were moving so slowly. Much was re-iterated from earlier, though not in quite as coherent a manner.

Eventually though we got to the point where he stated he'd contacted the MCA and claims they said that it would be possible to send inspectors or receive the Sark Venture in the UK. I trust this wasn't just a phone and that there is an email trail as it goes completely against an email, the Conseiller Guille himself seemed to refer to, from just 7 days previously. Using this as a smoking gun to support what the directors were saying is troubling at best.

Wandering on he touched on how it was "a supply of misinformation from IOSS" that lead to this evening. Hmmm. As a final hurrah, he poked a stick at the potential option of using a Trident vessel in the event of Sark Belle developing a fault. Let's for the moment assume that the Sark Shipping directors were of the belief that this was both possible and discussion had taken place to say this was the case, if so, why has this now suddenly changed in the eyes of Conseiller Guille. Thankfully he stopped speaking.

Throughout all of this, I couldn't help but wonder where the breakdown of communication actually was, there were a great many accusations being thrown from the safety of, I presume, parliamentary privilege. And yet these flew in the face of statements by the directors of Sark Shipping, a limited company, registered in Guernsey, that has to conform to company law.

Something is very wrong in the Isle of Sark.

Questions...

Seven Conseillers put there hands up, crikey...

Conseiller Makepeace went first. He had a strong start, asking for this item (5) to be deferred. No mucking about there Frank. His view? To allow time for both Conseillers and Sark Shipping directors alike to have time to fully study the report and make informed decisions and responses. He pointed out that he shared the views of the majority of Sark tax payers that said item 5 should be deferred.

He went on to say: it's now been 12 years since the reform laws and yet we have a committee of Chief Pleas showing a lack of respect and disregard for other Conseillers. He went on to say it beggars belief that a committee of Chief Pleas could deliberately withhold information from both fellow Conseillers and the Sark public until the last minute and further to deny people the right to study documents in a timely fashion. And there you have it. 

This is the issue.

We don't know if Sark Shipping directors have been negligent in the manner they have carried out business, but we certainly can't trust what has been presented as it's been done in such a secretive manner and with no opportunity to review in a timely fashion.

In response Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman said they had been waiting on an employment lawyer as well as the law officers. Wait, what? A lawyer, don't they, well, cost money?! And not to put too fine a point on it, but that doesn't excuse trying to railroad this proposal through on a nod.

Quite frankly, Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman, your reasons are not good enough and do not justify trampling over the business of clear, effective governance.



Conseiller Ventress opened by stating he supporting Conseiller Makepeace in asking for a deferment. He went on to explain that he, like many Conseillers and members of the public he is concerned that the lack of time to read, digest, evaluate and question the documents and above all the information put to P&F. He said he has decided there is no reason to rush and deal with this tonight. If the motion to defer the item failed, he would have no option but to vote against all the propositions. He pointed out that should the propositions be accepted it would leave Sark Shipping with no board and no formal handover or knowledge of the current situation. This is a bad thing™. He went on, this was despite everything they had been told tonight. He further detailed that despite every issue created by the pandemic, he felt the current board of directors had performed well even with much criticism from certain quarters.

I wonder who he means by that...

Consiller Drillot felt that he couldn't see a way forward with the current board of directors, I think he was rather missing the point of why trusting such a hasty process was a bad idea. He moved on to damning the board and their approach, claiming there were no signs of paperwork to show plans were in place to build a new boat even though the boats they had were old. At this point I wondered whether he's read the report or, for that matter, listened to what had been said earlier regarding the trail of new vessel acquisition as outlined by all three of the original speakers.

He went on to state that he was in the privileged position to be able to go forward and chat with the crew whilst travelling on the various vessels, he claimed that a lot of the board directors did not even use the boat. Hmm, well some do, and some, in this Guernsey registered company that has Guernsey resident directors, don't have a need to travel on a regular basis using said boats. He then speculated that they, the directors, "probably didn't talk to the crew half of the time". And then he dropped a bombshell, "my concern talking to the crew for the last three years at least, was that they have no respect for the management, for the board".

Oh.

So, here's the thing, yesterday, at 16:35, an email was sent on behalf of all staff and crew of IOSS to all Conseillers. Unfortunately this didn't make it to the relevant people as, apparently, there are problems with the "all" email address. Oh dear.

Perhaps Conseillers Drillot has mistaken in his understanding of what the crew said, let's face it, at any company, or business, in any village, town, city, country or even small island, will, from time to time, moan about t'management. But to present an interpretation of here-say as being fact? That's just plain wrong, or, here comes that word again, disingenuous.

He then went on to say they had lost some good staff and crew owing to mis-management.

Where. Is. The. Evidence?

On he went, he claimed with two boats we could have had more visitors. Perhaps so, but as with any limited resource you will eventually reach capacity, whether it be 1 boat or 6. The reality is that for a business you have to balance to costs. That said, Sark Shipping themselves admitted that there are days when a passenger may not get their preferred time of travel, this also happens with trains, aeroplanes and the likes, it is a reality of life. They also showed the actual capacity in their "virtual public meeting", an example is below for July. Play spot the 100% capacity, fun for all the family.

He droned on a bit more about the issues of weather against travel. Of course he blindly ignored the reality of what had been said earlier regarding issues with commissioning the Sark Venture. But we've already covered those.

Then he dropped another bombshell. He said on one point he agreed with the board, that they could have had a Conseillers meeting with them. Wait a minute, hadn't it been said time and time again by the original speakers that meetings were being held. And yet, this Conseiller, apparently a member of the relevant committees, felt differently. How odd.

He professed that the other Conseillers should trust them, that they have chased down every avenue. Trouble is, I don't believe they have and, so far, they've done nothing to convince me otherwise as they are glaring gaps and inconsistencies you could sail the Sark Viking through. He also felt that nobody from these two committees could have come up with this decision overnight. Perhaps, but they've still not shown it's the right one.

Conseiller Williams after a preamble stated she would quite like to have a copy of the information presented before she made any decisions, further, if she had to vote on the propositions she would have no option but to vote against them without the relevant time and information. Crikey.

Conseiller Plummer started by stating she has spoken to many people who have expressed their concerns with the timing of the evening's planned decision. To give balance she pointed out that there have been those that said enough is enough. It was her view that the decision should be deferred.

Conseiller McHugh said she joined Conseiller Makepeace in calling for a deferral, she did say that she believed what had been said in the reports, however she couldn't support the speed with which the propositions had been tabled and hence there should be a deferral. She asked a very salient question... If the directors were to be removed en masse, who would negotiate the terms for the new directors...

At which point the naughty public clapped and we had our wrists slapped by the Speaker!

Anyway, Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman stated that as Conseiller Guille was not going to be paid then it was not going to be an issue. Sorry darling, but that's not how it works. A contract needs to exist for the protection of both the company and the individual, regardless of whether or not they are being paid. You might get away with this for someone coming in to wash a few dishes, however, in the case of Conseiller Guille he was proposing getting involved with all sorts of things, all with nasty liability and, needless to say, as an executive director.

Do try again.

He went, in the case of Julie Mann this might possibly be an issue and possibly be done my Conseiller Guille and Richard Wickins. Possibly. You see, to me, that is not a clear plan. The very inclusion of two "possibly" screams making-this-up-as-we-go-along. Not a great start.

Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman finished by again stating that Consiller Guille's contract would be irrelevant because he wasn't being paid...

Of course this lead to laughter from the public gallery because, well, FFS, what the actual was he talking about? Which lead to another wrist slap from the Speaker and a threat to clear the Public Gallery.

It's almost a shame he didn't.

At this point I should mention the Public Gallery. It was packed, all seats filled, people both sitting and standing in the aisle, this had drawn out many people. Earlier, there were people outside lobbying the Conseillers as they arrived. This wasn't a small item on a windy night in Sark, this was big news and it was clear that few, if any, supported the propositions. They should have expected a response from the public.

Conseiller Craik was grateful for the information received and the further explanations given, however, she was of the opinion that the propositions should be deferred so that they could absorb the information as well as to give the board of IOSS a chance to respond. Very fair and reasonable. She did also say that she felt mistakes had been made by Sark Shipping, but that the speed that this item had been brought was unacceptable.

At this point Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman stood and said that if this was to be deferred that he proposed that a thorough and independent investigation into IOSS should commence immediately. He further proposed that given the level of misinformation that had been provided by Sark Shipping executive directors (his words, not mine) should be suspended with immediate effect pending the outcome of the investigation.

Right...

Conseiller Blythe burst into life and said "I think we're all in agreement with the propositions", mmm, no. he did go on to say the only issue was the speed with which they were presented. That's not how this works, the very fact that others are asking for a deferment indicates that they went to check they are reaching the correct conclusion, whatever their initial thoughts were. Perhaps he'd lost focus. And, he went on "sometimes it just has to be done and we should just vote for it now".

Again. Act in haste, repent at leisure.

Conseiller Makepeace pointed out that it was known a week before there would be a delay getting out the papers and a suitable date should have been chosen to allow time for the papers to be reviewed. As he said, there is no excuse. He went on to remind the Conseiller that their loyalty should be to the Sark tax payer and it is them to whom they serve and deserve better than this. He reiterated his request for a deferal.

Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman popped up again to say that if it's the will of Chief Pleas that they defer...

After a brief further statement supporting deferral by Conseiller Williams, Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman suggested they step outside.

Ooh, fight!

No, wait, turns out it was to discuss this as a committee. The Speaker said as there had been a proposer, seconder, third and fourth, he would call a short recess for them to come to a decision on the deferral time. He explained that the deferral could not be indefinite and must have a finite time and take in to account the time needed to organise external agencies...

They recessed for 20 minutes. The room became very loud. There wasn't enough time to nip to the pub.

And we're back in the room.

The Speaker called for Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman to give their response. They wanted a deferral of two days.

That's not going to give a lot of time for the thorough and independent investigation he proposed about 25 minutes earlier. What? Cue more murmerings from the public. He said that would give plenty of time to get the views of the public and it'll be all sorted by the weekend.

Right... *looks to camera*

The Speaker asked if that's your proposal to defer for two days, without any fresh reports. Conseiller La Trobe-Bateman laughed and said "that's a good question".

Seriously, what were they doing outside?

To be fair to the Speaker, it felt like he was trying to get him to consider what had just been said. His response? "we'll probably dig out some more information, I think there'll be more verbal reports". Not evidence then.

Probably, that's almost as bad as possibly.

The Speaker asked Conseiller Makepeace to speak. His reponse "I think that's ridiculous, two days isn't enough, we're expected to get statements and contact Sark Shipping and the public, two days is not enough. Two weeks is a more realistic time". Quite.

Conseiller Ventress and Craik also felt they needed more than two days. Conseiller Craik asked for further information to be forwarded on to all Conseillers.

A vote was called.

The proposal for two days was supported by nine votes to five.

This is as much a joke as a travesty. In just a couple of hours Chief Pleas, excluding the notable exceptions in their ranks, have managed to make Sark look, quite frankly, ridiculous. In the time I've lived here, the clear view received has been that Chief Pleas does little more than rubber stamp the reports and proposals given by Conseillers. There is a glimmer of hope that perhaps there are now a few people that are prepared to stand up and say what they think without feeling they need to join the club. But they've a long way to go and, sadly, a battle ahead to show that democracy hasn't shrivelled up and died on this rock high above the sea.

Sadly though, we'd still stuck with a lack of clear, evidence driven, government, where decisions are based on here-say presented as fact. Even when it's not. Then there is the issue of how the island must look to the Crown Dependencies section of the Ministry of Justice, or even to the Lieutenant Governor in Guernsey, the man tasked by the Queen to watch over us.

It is, deeply disappointing. More importantly it completely goes against the simple principle that: you must not just do the right thing, but be seen to do the right thing.

Shame neither part of that happened.

28 Days Later

As of midnight tonight it's been 28 days since Sark went in to almost total lock-down.

Unlike in most places even the two food stores were closed with only home deliveries being permitted to make sure people could still eat. Which is nice. Trouble is that many of the islanders work on the island doing things that just were no longer allowed, whether this be on the land, in bars, restaurants, shops and even, of course, hotels.

I'll come back to hotels.

I make the place sound like a heaving metropolis, but it's really not. The point is that there are an awful lot of people on the island that suddenly couldn't work and, unlike in many places, there is next to nothing by way of support. Don't get me wrong, you should be aware of this when you live here, but it's still a stark and difficult situation here.

But it gets worse.

Sark has been both blessed and cursed. Blessed because, so far, there have been no positive cases of the Novel Coronavirus on the island. But similarly, cursed. Cursed because how on earth do you re-open the doors to a place that makes a great deal of its annual income from spring and summer tourism when by doing so you bring the risk of exposing the small population to something they've potentially not been exposed to before. It's true that some work has been permitted to restart, but even that comes with restrictions.

But what about me?

Well, in the first instance, I'm fortunate in that I work remotely and from home, so in many ways I'm unaffected. But the impact is no less apparent. I would be lying if I said I'm fine, I'm really not. In the same way that anyone in isolation isn't going to be fine. The escape is to go walking, for no more than two hours of course, however as that invariably means I'm walking with no conversation other than the thoughts in my head, even that is getting a little old.

I'm really bored of the thoughts in my head.

It's true that I'm quite capable of being relatively isolated for long periods, normally I'm happy in my own company. This is different. This has no apparent ending, no release, no plans to look forward to. As I said to my mother on Sunday, I'm taking it one day at a time, sticking with a strict regime of waking at dawn, starting work and not thinking of what the next day won't bring.

As things were beginning to grow difficult through February, I was quite aware that plans would fail to materialise. So I made alternate plans. For instance, back to the hotels, it was my Sark anniversary on the 20^th of March, I toyed with various ideas but settled on booking a table pour une, pull on my glad rags, throw my heels in Imogen's basket and head off to Stocks Hotel for an evening of decadence and fine wines. Perfect.

And then Stocks, quite rightly, announced that they had taken the unilateral decision to close their doors until the end of May. Bugger. Okay, fine, pizza in the Bel Air it is then!

Or so I thought.

During the day of the 20th there was a Bailiwick wide order brought in to close all pubs etc. as of 18:30 that day. Okay, fine, I'll raid the freezer and drink cheap wine. It's almost the same.

Spoiler: it wasn't.

The next big plan was of what to do about my birthday in May. The original vague plans to do something somewhere are almost certainly on ice. Stocks is out as they are closed to the end of May. The pubs? Well, no idea. So I suspect it will be me, Monty the Bear and a bottle of whatever plonk I can get, along with a burrito at that fine authentic Mexican place, Casa Contrary.

Hmm, it'll be a little like my 49^th when I took myself off to Venice, alone (if you ignore said bear), because I was determined to do what *I* wanted to do for the first time ever.

Venice is definitely out.

Also on ice was the plan to put Marlene back on the road, do a mini-roadtrip visiting friends and family in the UK before importing her to Guernsey and finding a nice place for her to live ready for jaunts over to France and, hopefully, the next Contrary Roadtrip. Not going to happen.

And France is currently out too. As is the UK, and I'm not that keen on going there.

Tricky.

I'm a very shy individual. I tend to keep myself to myself and other than brief conversations in the pub, I will happily sit in the corner reading whilst sipping a glorious glass of cold Rocquette's fine cider. It's not helped by the fact that I spend the working week alone, and working, so don't really have anything interesting to talk about. Can you imagine how little I have to talk about now after more than four weeks of almost zero human contact. Which is making writing surprisingly difficult to do.

I've managed to find things with which to entertain myself, of course, I've spent time exploring the virtual worlds as I can't travel for real, this in itself has made a nice change from just making stuff for sale or by commission. There's been lots of Netflix and Prime, needless to say. Though, unlike most of Twitter, I've only managed to get through 6 bottles of wine over the last four weeks.

Unlike the film, 28 Days Later, there is no script to follow, no spoilers or alternate ending. My life currently feels like a Belgian Art House movie where little seems to happen and I'm not sure what the plot is, though the main character is seem to be getting a little more raggedy as time goes on.

So as the clocks in the house tick towards midnight and, without ceremony, mark the end of the first 28 days, I shall head to bed, and no doubt dream of journeys.

Journeys that, for now, I can no longer take.

So you want to move to Sark?

It's been a year and a day two days since I moved to Sark, rather disappointingly I've not written about it much other than my decision to move here and that first 100 days. Oh, and what happened when my well went dry... To be fair to myself, the wandering one, and other half of Contrary Towers, also hasn't written much, but then she writes for a living and is happily ensconced in Croatia.

I've had a lot of comments on Twitter about the move, change in lifestyle and, inevitably given the current pandemic, how I'm fortunate to be in such a safe place. Indeed, as I write, we are fortunate in that so far there have been no cases of this latest Coronavirus and the ensuing COVID-19. I've also had questions about the realities of moving and living here, these have come in many forms, but mostly they are driven by the simple fact that it's really difficult to find anything out about the place.

Or at least it was when I was looking.

So here it is, my little guide to life 104m above the Bay of St Malo, 49° 26' 2.3352'' N, 2° 21' 49.1004'' W.

Can I live there?

Well, they let me in.

Unlike Guernsey (and by definition Alderney) and Jersey, there are no special requirements to moving here, no license, permits, having a certain size bank account. Nothing like that. As Sark is a Crown Dependency, and not part of the UK, you do need to be at least a British Citizen or you would be permitted to move to the UK. That said, and this is a bone of contention, I am unaware of any checks being made.

Finding a place to live

One of the most often received comments from visitors during the summer, when they learn I live here, is what paradise it is. It's fair, in the summer it is glorious, but in winter, whilst no less glorious, it's different, an awful lot different if you're used to living in Central London. Or any other place that's built up.

So my first bit of advice is, quite simply: visit in the winter.

Whether it be a fact finding visit, or, as I did, looking at houses, do it when the weather is less than clement, when the restaurants are closed, the carriages aren't running. More importantly, don't stay in a hotel, though the hotels here are fantastic, you need to find out the realities of what it's like to be here and fend for yourself.

Of course if you're thinking about just buying a place that you're only going to be in for three months of the year because it's so quaint then, please, I implore you, don't. If you do, that delightful little cottage that you will use to impress your friends with will not be available to people who actually do live here year round.

And to be quite honest, if you're only here for three months during the summer, you won't discover the gem at the heart of Sark: the community.

I'd also advise, with my sensible face on, that perhaps renting here for the first year is a good idea. You'll learn an awful lot about the character of the island, both physical and community, within that year. For instance, I live on the West of the island. It's a but windy. You might notice, looking at maps, or by visiting, that most properties are on the East, where it's sheltered. Of course sometimes the prevailing wind loses interest and it blows from the East, like today, but mostly it's westerly. Days, weeks, months of westerly. The good news though, is that Sark buildings, are built to survive the wind.

Anyway.

There is an estate agent on Sark, a good place to start. Obviously you could try a Google search for Sark properties, but these will tend to be the ones for sale. The key thing to note here is that there are properties available that are not necessarily listed, unfortunately that means you need to know somebody by being here.

If you are now fervently reading the pages of the estate agent then please focus only on the "open market". Why? Well, to be local market you need to be "locally qualified", the requirements being...

• You were born here, or
• You've lived here at least 15 years, or
• You are part of a family of someone that happens to be locally qualified

And the definition of a local market property? Anything built after 1976.

Simple really.

*looks at notes*

Ah yes, travel. The downside of looking at places here, in winter, is that getting here can be... difficult. At the moment it's really difficult, but that's all because of said pandemic. To get here you'll need to go via Guernsey, other options are available, but they mostly involve summer months and Manche Îles. If you're coming from the UK then, as I write, your choices are Aurigny and Blue Islands. There are probably others, but I've no experience of them so, by definition, they don't exist.

These will get you only as far as Guernsey, for the next step you will need to book a crossing with Sark Shipping or, if you're feeling flush and/or you can't make the journey times work, a private charter with the very lovely Ray Lowe. There is a fairly good chance you might have to stay overnight in Guernsey either arriving or leaving, or both, but fortunately St Peter Port is quite civilised, they even have ATMs!

The process of booking all of these things isn't that difficult, but it will involve some juggling. I'll happily give advice if you're so interested.

Moving here

Dear lord. Moving house is stressful enough. Moving to a rock in the middle of the sea is... more.

Before I even visited here to look at places I did an attempt at the logistics. And gave up. The problem is, wherever you move from, you have to get your stuff to Guernsey, and then from Guernsey to Sark. And then from Sark harbour to where you live.

You can't just hire a man-and-a-van.

Here are the steps.

• Book removal van
• Pack stuff
• Load stuff in to removal van
• Unload stuff from removal van, in Guernsey, and put in container(s)
• Pay import duty
• Send container(s) to Sark
• Move container(s) from Sark harbour to where you live
• Unload container(s)
• Return container(s)
• Go to the pub.

Fortunately, there are people that do this stuff for a living. I was given two names, R&R Removals and White & Company. I happened to choose R&R so I can only talk about them. They arrange everything, that's it. True I had to choose between doing my own packing and having them pack for me, needless to say I chose the latter as I lived alone and had work to do, but otherwise they did the lot.

The price? About £5,000 in my case.

But keep in mind that they did a day and a half of packing and filled in all of the steps, which meant my moving process went from the above to...

• Book removal van
• Go to the pub

That might be slightly oversimplified, but you get the idea. I should point out I did a full move, everything from clothes, equipment, furniture and on to even bags of coal. A one way trip.

As you might imagine, this is not something you can do in one day, there were two ferries involved (Portsmouth to Guernsey and Guernsey to Sark) and an awful lot of loading an unloading, so here is a very rough timeline you can work to...

• Wednesday: collection day, removals people turn up, pack and load like mad
• Thursday: see above, in my case.
• Tuesday: your stuff arrives in Sark. In my case, mostly
• Wednesday: you arrive in Sark with removal people
• Thursday: In my case, the rest of your stuff arrives in Sark.

Estimate a week to move. Remember, your things will have to leave your place, travel to Portsmouth in a van, be unloaded in Guernsey, be loaded in to containers for shipping to Sark, shipped, moved, unloaded and containers removed. There are a lot of steps. I am deeply grateful that there are people that know how to do this stuff.

If you decide against the insane one-way trip option where you bring everything then it will likely be cheaper.

Getting about

Sark, rather famously, has no cars. Or motorcycles. We do have horse drawn carriages, though mostly these are used by tourists or occasional special visits. But to drive those, or tractors, you do need a licence, as Martin Clunes found. In the case of tractors you will only be allowed to have one if it's essential for your work.

Otherwise you choice is walk or get a bicycle.

If you have a bicycle you will need to pay bicycle tax, this is currently £11 a year, the 2020 tax was paid on the 31^st of December 2019. If you acquire your wheels mid year then you need to bimble down to the Constable's office, this is the new building attached to the Chief Pleas meeting room on La Chasse Marette, top of the stairs, first door on your right, 2:30pm-5pm, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

As of 4^th of July 2019 you can have an electric bicycle as they have been deregulated. Well, sort of, there are still regulations, 250W motor power, top speed 15mph. When you consider the speed limit for tractors is 10mph this is epic!

If you have need of an electric mobility buggy then I'm afraid you'll still need a doctor's certificate, insurance and, I believe, a test. I really should look in to this.

Back to bikes. According to the law you should have a working bell and front white light. This comes as some news to many of the people I know, but I'm a details girl so I actually read the law.

You can of course hire bikes, and many visitors do. They also promptly lose any sense of road craft and ride like complete fuckwits thinking there will be nobody else around. I've not had a spill yet, but came close one day at Clos a Jaon crossroads when a visitor crossed flat-out taking advantage of the downhill section on La Chasse Marette. Don't be like him.

There are no taxis on Sark.

That said, since the dawn of time, La Douzaine have been promising a public consultation on whether to allow rickshaws to provide such a service. Spoiler: there hasn't been one.

Ride on lawn mowers. We race them! And in 2019 there was the first ever hill climb up Harbour Hill. It was brilliant.

There is hope that eventually there can be a move to electric vehicles, unfortunately whilst this would improve air quality the speed of change here makes glaciers look like they have a train to catch.

Public transport.

We have the toast rack. Currently £1.20 with one stop. I have guided many a shocked tourist to where they are going after they asked which stop they should get off for place X. In winter you'll find it on the harbour, in summer it's at the bottom of Harbour Hill, can't miss it.

Getting and moving stuff

Most cargo is moved on the island by the carters. I think there are two, Jimmy's Carting and Island Deliveries. I use Jimmy, not just because he's my next door neighbour, and the first thing I did even before I actually moved to the island was emailed to set up an account. After any carting, whether this be visitor bags, shopping or a sofa from Sark Classified, you will be invoiced for that month's deliveries and you can pay by bank transfer.

If you're on-island and you want something moved from A to B, you contact the relevant carter tell them what and where and it magically happens. Similarly if you're going off-island you message said carter the day before, say which boat you're on, and where you are, and they will give you a time by which your stuff needs to be collected. This is where living next door to the carter has its advantages.

If you're off-island, we'll call that Guernsey though I believe there are other land masses out there, you make sure the stuff you can't be arsed to carry has a label, green for Jimmy, some other colour for Island Deliveries (I have no idea), you can get these labels at the Sark Shipping offices at White Rock. Attach them to your stuff, follow the lead of other people in where they should be placed and things will be loaded on the boat.

So long as things have a label and a destination they will get there.

Post. It's impressively quick. If somebody posts something from the UK and it can make the trip to East Midlands Airport and onwards to Guernsey then you will find your post arriving the next day. Of course if the boats aren't running because the weather is difficult then this doesn't apply. Our postmen are lovely, I say postmen because as far as I'm aware, there is only Simon, Ringo and the-bloke-in-shades-who-I've-never-spoken-with. Simon in particular knows everything and on moving here he is a font of all knowledge.

The Post Office is in Gallery Stores, you can't miss it, there is a gold post-box outside. The Gallery Stores is epic and I'll talk about that more later. It's a proper, wonderful, old fashioned service.

The prices for post vary as to whether it's within the Bailiwick, UK, Europe or the rest of world. The complication comes when receiving things, if it's a letter and somebody sticks a stamp on it, it will get here. If they go to a Post Office then you may or may not have to fill in forms depending on which one you go to, I've had reports of both when things have been sent to me.

Why? Well, I've not said this before but... We are a separate jurisdiction, in other words, we iz overseas!

This messes with people's heads.

And it can cause problems. I'll cover some of this later.

On the upside, there is no VAT on Sark. Or for that matter, any of the Channel Islands. This means if you're ordering something from Amazon with a Sark delivery address you might very well find it cheaper. Whatever the moral issues with Amazon and how they treat staff, Amazon is your friend. A huge amount arrives on-island from them, Amazon Pantry is particularly popular. But not all companies will do this. I'm in an ongoing battle with Apple, eBay, Google and Adobe with regards to VAT and jurisdiction. In fact, all of the above refuse to recognise my actual address. But that's a different matter, all I am saying is expect complications. Yet more of this later.

Anyway, back to receiving stuff.

I can't say I've seen any letterboxes on Sark, I'm sure some exist, I've just not noticed them. You leave your door unlocked, the postman/delivery person/whoever puts things in your house, you pick them up. I did ask once what happens if I'm off-island, stuff will be kept back. Or, you agree where they can be left.

There are no "sorry, you were out" cards.

The counter to this is walking in to the Gallery Stores for something else and being given a parcel because they knew there was one for you. It truly is a world apart.

Communication

The international dialing code for Sark/Guernsey/Jersey is 44, just like the UK. So you'd be right in thinking that you'll be fine using your phone here?

Think again.

It's not. If you are using a mobile phone, you will be roaming. If you call or send an SMS from a UK number to a Channel Islands number it will be charged as international.

There are three local telecom companies, Sure, JT and Airtel-Vodafone.

I happen to use Sure, mostly because I liked the deal they offered. There is a choice of wired broadband or wireless, as it happens I had a wireless router so I went with that option, that and because the house I moved to hadn't been occupied in some years so whilst it had a phone line, they found no record of it and it would have cost circa £130 to connect. 3G and LTE (4G) coverage is good and given I work from home and depend on low latency I am more than happy. I currently pay £35 a month for 200GB of data. Even with the amount of Netflix I watch this is enough, but keep in mind I live alone so it's mostly just me.

Needless to say I have a phone with two SIMs, one for my UK contract (you can't transfer numbers to here using PAC) and one for local messages and calls, remember, if you call or message somebody on the island from a UK number it will be rated as international. My UK provider, Three, happily accepted my new address.

Social meeja

Follow me on Twitter, also the venerable Paul Armorgie, Sarah Beaumont and Sark Shipping. There are two groups on Facebook you should join, Save our Sark and Sark Classified.

Other useful accounts are Sark Sheep Racing and the forthcoming Sark Community Dairy.

There are others but I'm now a bottle of wine down so, y'know, editorial decisions. Besides, most of the things posted by others are retweeted by the above.

Apps

There are three I use regularly.

• Windfinder, this is brilliant and in time you'll understand which wind will stop the boats running. There is also an actual app for this, check your favourite app store.
• Marine RADAR, useful for working out when your visitor will actually arrive so you can meet them at the Bel Air. Nay, essential.
• FlightRadar24, handy for seeing which flight is overhead and to see how early visitors are going to land at Guernsey Airport because they pad the time so much.

Tax

There is no income or inheritance tax on Sark. But that doesn't mean there are no taxes.

The tax year runs from the start of January to December, if you are new to the island you will receive you tax identification number (TIN) when you receive your tax form in January.

I've already mentioned the bicycle tax so I won't cover that, there is also a tractor tax which is probably irrelevant if you're just moving here (£100/year) and a mobility scooter tax, I think, though no idea how much that is. In fact, check that yourself.

The main taxes come in two forms, the Property Tax and the Personal Capital Tax.

Property Tax

If you've been looking at properties at the agent I mentioned earlier, you will see them talk of so many "Sark Quarters", the quarter is from Norman law, remember Sark is one of the remaining parts of the Duchy of Normandy. In simple terms it's a unit of usable floor space. The amount that applies to a property is recorded in the Cadastre (the Sark land registry). Chief Pleas will decide how much it is per quarter and you will have to pay it. For 2020 the Quarter Rate is £15, not the £14.50 shown on the agent's website.

This payment is for the year ahead and is payable by the "possessor" of the property, which means if you are renting the landlord will have paid the rate for the year and you will probably be expected to pay the landlord pro-rata. But that's the first year. Once you reach 1st of January then you are the possessor, so you pay the tax. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I'll come to that.

Personal Capital Tax

You have options.

The Sark system is simple and also, interesting. Nominally you are taxed based on your worldwide personal assets, not income, with a minimum amount and a maximum. Simple. For 2020 the minimum is £450 and the maximum is £9,000.

The actual rate is 0.39% of your assets, so if you have less than £116,667 in any assets worldwide you will pay £450. If you are Bill Gates, you will pay £9,000.

I can hear you saying, those don't sound like options. This is where it becomes interesting. On the tax form you are presented with eight options for the personal tax.

1. You can pay the forfait. This is the forfait factor x Quarters x Quarter rate, as this years forfait is 2.0 then you'd be paying the property tax plus twice the property tax. Perhaps. OR
2. If you are a member of a household where the Possessor (there's only one of them, sorry) has paid the forfait then you pay the minimum tax. OR
3. You pay an amount based on your world wide assets, obvs after calculation it would be between £450 and £9,000. OR
4. You pay the minimum amount because your assets are below the minimum amount. They might ask you to prove this. OR
5. You pay the maximum amount. OR
6. You have fewer assets than the minimum, you're under 69 and you're paying property tax... Then there is no personal tax. Yay!
7. You're a possessor living outside of Sark, declaring the property was not available to you for 90 days or more in the preceding 12 months then... you pay no personal tax. I have a bit of an issue with this one as it's truly open to abuse.
8. You've less than £150,000 in capital assets and you're over 69 or holding a medical certificate saying you can't work, then you pay no personal tax.

Simple really. You'll get a discount if you pay your tax in full by the 31st of January, you can pay by instalments over eight months, other options are available. I knew I should have written this in January.

You become resident on Sark for tax purposes after 90 days, however, if you are coming from the UK it will be 270 days before you stop being resident for tax purposes there. As you might imagine there is an awful lot more to this, and I'm not going to explain it, contact HMRC or a proper tax adviser. Expect to lose the will to live after reading endless documents.

Now before you get too excited, I should point out the negatives... It is expensive to live here. Which brings us to...

Energy

Ah yes, energy.  Every silver lining has a cloud.

It's expensive. But don't worry, everything is so yay! The reasons things are so expensive come down to simple economics, it's a tiny market, so no economies of scale and everything has to be brought in by Sark Shipping.

Electricity

The good news: I believe all supply cables are buried. This means that even when we are enjoying the best that the Atlantic can throw our way the power stays on. Over this year I've only seen one power cut and that was down to equipment failure.

Electricity is currently priced at 54p/kWh with a £2 a month standing charge. There is a 50p/month discount if you receive your bill by email. Bills are issued early in the month and are payable within 28 days of the invoice date, rather annoyingly the invoice date is quite a bit earlier, for example:

• Invoice date: 2020-02-29
• Invoiced received by email: 2020-03-11
• Payment expected by 2020-03-28

What's particularly annoying is that you will notice if you read your invoice, I do, that it might say "Reading taken in 02/03/2020", it's not the reverse order date that bugs me, it's that the reading on the invoice is apparently three days after the invoice. Hmmmm.

You can pay your bill electronically. If you're renting a property then it's likely the agent will have emailed the company to say you are the new tenant, there is currently no paperwork or formal agreement.

If you are fervently following the news regarding Sark you may be aware that the electricity company was recently bought out, the new owner is promising much, though it remains to be seen whether or not he delivers. One of the big issues is that whilst the price is currently 54p there are no guarantees that this won't change dramatically soon as it's there because of a Price Control Order (PCO) issued by the Sark Electricity Price Control Commissioner. A legal challenge has been raised by the company. For reference, the price before this PCO was 66p/kWh with a threat of 85p/kWh, though the previous owner backed down on the latter.

For news on things relating to electricity here then follow Sark Electricity User Group (SEUG) on either Facebook or Twitter.

Gas

It comes in bottles. And it's expensive. The major supplier of gas on the island is Ross Henry and, according to my last bill from him, a 47kg bottle of Propane is £144.95. I only use it for hob cooking and this lasted about ten months, but then I live alone.

I could write a whole blog post on how to calculate the available energy in a bottle and give estimates of how long it will last based on your hob burner size, but I won't do that. At least not yet.

The good news is that as with most things on Sark, if you run out during the day then a quick SMS to Ross will lead to his tractor turning up half an hour later and your new bottle installed.

Heating Oil

This comes from Gavin Nicolle at La Seigneurie Farm, Gavin also services boilers, and is the vet. Obvs. You can contact him by phone or SMS and, fortunately, you don't have to have a full load of oil which is handy for budgeting. According to my last bill, oil is currently 70p/litre, however this does fluctuate with wholesale oil prices.

One thing to try and avoid is running out as if you do so then oil will be delivered and, if it wasn't Gavin doing the delivery, he will come along in a while to bleed the system. Needless to say when this happened to me it was before the oil monitor I've been working on was installed. It best to keep an eye on things!

If anything goes wrong with your boiler then it will be Gavin who comes along to fix it. He's very quick and, unlike in the UK, if he can he will repair a fault rather than getting new parts. A good example of this was when my heating pump failed, stopping the boiler, it turned out the bearings had died, so Gavin arrived, removed the parts, took it to his workshop, rebuilt the bearings, and reinstalled all within about 90 minutes.

Renewable Energy

There is talk from the new owner investing in renewables for the island as a whole. If you would like to install your own solar array or wind turbine then planning permission will be needed. Of course to make things more complicated there is a new law being developed that relates to the licensing of the generation of electricity. Probably best to check with SEUG to see where things stand.

Logs

There are lots of log burners on the island though the only supplier I know of logs is our Seigneur, I suspect Gallery Stores also sells them. I'll update this when I next visit the stores.

Petrol and diesel

The filling station is behind Gallery Stores, needless to say, this is not self-serve. As you might imagine they don't like you walking through the place with fuel cans so... leave you can near the pump, go in to the hardware section, speak to whoever is there, you'll go back outside with them, they'll fill your can and then you can go back in to pay. Cost is, from memory, roughly the same per litre as Guernsey.

If you are only going to use the petrol for a two-stroke machine then you can ask them to add the oil there and then. Which is nice.

Be aware, you usually can't buy fuel at the weekend when the hardware department is often closed. Or perhaps I've just gone on the wrong weekends.

Diesel can also be bought from the power station at the top of Harbour Hill, I've no idea how this works as my chainsaw doesn't run on diesel and I don't have a tractor.

Waste

If you weren't told when your bin day is then you can either ask a neighbour or call the Public Works Office on 832576. Rubbish should be separated in to burnables, glass, cans, pressurised containers (aerosols) and so on. If you don't have a bin then you can buy one from Gallery Stores hardware department for about £20, these have clip on lids so you don't have to play hint-the-lid when it's windy. It also means that the gulls can't get at your rubbish.

Rubbish should be put out between 7am and 8am on collection day.

If you have something larger to collect than contact Island Works and they will pick it up, there is a charge for this of about £5 an item. You'll be billed quarterly for rubbish collection, according to my last bill it's £22.20/quarter.

There's no mains sewage on Sark, most properties are connected to a septic tank, shared in some cases. Apparently the charge for emptying is £18.37 a load, though I can't for the life of me find the last bill I had with this on! To arrange an emptying call Public Works on 832576 or 07781 104846

Water

As with waste, there is no mains water. Your property will be either borehole, well or catchment, or some magical combination. This means you will also be burning electricity to pump the water in to the property!

When it's been dry a catchment may run out of water, in which case contact the Fire Service on their non-emergency number of 07781 110806, you'll be charged about £25/bowser load (600 gallons), this water hasn't been treated so you will need either your own treatment facility or take suitable precautions. If it's been very dry, as happened in 2019, a well may run out, mine did and people were struggling to remember when this last happened. If so, then it's the same as for catchment.

And then do a rain dance.

Booze

We have that.

There is a small amount of beer, wine and gin production on the island, hopefully in the next couple of years cider too! Everything else is imported though duty is lower than in many places.

You will note when visiting the pubs that many locals drink cans, this is simply because they are cheaper than draught!

Off-sales can be bought from the Bel Air, Mermaid Tavern and Island hall. I've not tried at the various other restaurants and hotel bars!

Food

A lot of vegetables are produced on the island, similarly eggs, pork, beef, lamb and presumably chicken. There is no bakery, so either buy bread that has ultimately travelled all the way from the UK, or learn to bake, or wait until I can raise sufficient funds so I can re-open the bakery. Milk production should resume once the Sark Community Dairy is a) built and b) running.

Chocolate is made on the island by Caragh. It's very nice.

Everything else is imported. There are two food outlets on the island (plus various Hedge Veg). Food Stop (on The Avenue) stocks lots of Waitrose things, newspapers and, importantly, wine, beer, cider and spirits. Mon Plaisir Stores (on Rue du Sermon, near the Methodist Chapel), stocks things from Iceland and Co-op, but they also do a lot of local meats and you can arrange for fish, crab, lobsters etc. by speaking with Helen or Rose. Unlike Food Stop where things like bacon are pre-packaged, at Mon Plaisir the packaging happens locally. So, for example, don't ask for a pound of bacon, ask for so many slices.

All of the local meats are epic. Once you've tried them it's difficult to go back to anything else.

Lots of people do Shopping Day trips to Guernsey to stock up on things you can't get on-island, similarly Amazon Pantry is extremely popular and useful. As you'll no doubt be receiving visitors, don't forget to ask them to bring things you can't get here!

DIY, household and gardening

The Gallery Stores has it all. As well as being the Post Office, there are sections for household goods, tools, paints, building materials and gardening supplies and equipment. As with everything on the island it's best to ask if you can't see what you need.

Financial stuff

I've already covered tax and VAT somewhere above.

Mortgages

As I write there are no mortgages on Sark, though is might be changing soon with the land reform.

Travel Insurance

You might find that your current travel insurance provider will no longer cover you when you come to renewing with a Sark address. If this worries you then it's worth contacting them in advance.

Banking

There is only one actual bank on Sark, HSBC on Rue Lucas, you can't miss it. There is no ATM here but there is a counter service during the week, be aware, they close for lunch. Quite right too. I was told when I arrived that it would be two years before I'd be able to open an account, as it turned out this wasn't the case for me, I don't know if I was helped by the fact that one of the bank staff knew where I lived and that I was actually living here all of the time. Your mileage may vary.

Keep in mind that organising things such as broadband can be complicated by having just moved to the island and not having a bank account locally. That was fun.

In terms of changing address on existing accounts, my UK bank, Lloyds, were quite happy to change the address, though they did send forms to confirm where I would be resident. The problem was I couldn't give my TIN (as mentioned above under tax) as it's not issued until the Sark tax forms come out.

There used to be a NatWest branch on the island, counter services for this are now handled by the Post Office in Gallery Stores. However, I found when I was first looking at banking that NatWest in St Peter Port, would not allow me to open an account because I had a Sark address. They do have a fab view from their windows, worth a visit just for that.

Cards and things

All of my actual credit-card providers let me change my address. Yay.

If you have a Curve card, which I utterly loved, you are out of luck, you will try in vain to change your address, it won't accept it, so you'll call them and they will tell you you can't have it anymore as you are neither in the UK, EU or EEA. Fair enough.

Revolut may or may not be a problem, I'm currently trying to confirm my identity, and couldn't fully change the address as they had no Guernsey option. I might be coming back to this, a shame really as it's very useful for travelling. Not that we can travel at the moment...

PayPal will happily let you set the correct address, yay! eBay won't. Nor will Apple. Or Google. If you follow me on Twitter you will see my occasional rants at them, not just about VAT, but also setting addresses.

Medical

We have a small Medical Centre on the island, opposite Island Hall. Dental services are handled in a small room in Island Hall when the dentist is here. Normally there are morning walk-in sessions, but these are currently suspended owing to the on-going pandemic.

I will have to dig through my records to find out how much a consultation with the doctor is!

When you are thinking about medical insurance, there is no scheme on the island, then look for Island Insurance, the Medical Centre can give you details of companies that do such a scheme. The difference between this and normal medical insurance is that it takes in to account the fact that people get older and become unwell, this means that whilst it looks more expensive to begin with, it doesn't suddenly increase in the event of a problem, rather it rises relatively gently over time.

You will have to separately organise Marine Ambulance cover, this is handled by St John Ambulance in Guernsey and is currently £119 a year for an individual or £180 for a family. If you become ill and have to be evacuated to Guernsey then you would either be taken on the Flying Christine, or, if the weather is awful, the Guernsey Lifeboat. On the island the ambulances are, inevitably, pulled by tractor.

Prescriptions are subsidised by the Professor Charles Saint Sark Medical Trust and a great deal of island fundraising is aimed at supporting this. So get involved! Prescriptions are currently £5.50 an item. If you order a repeat prescription by either phone, SMS or email then they will be left in the conservatory at the front of the Medical Centre along with an envelope showing how much you need to pay, there is a small box where payments are posted.

Employment Law

There isn't any. Nor are there any unemployment benefits or any of the things you might be used to in a larger jurisdiction.

Government

You've probably heard of Chief Pleas, the Sark parliament. This is now democratically elected, however you can't vote until you've lived here two years. Similarly you can't stand for election until you have lived here two years.

As we are a Crown Dependency, all laws ultimately have to go to The Crown's Privy Council for Royal Assent.

I could write a book on my thoughts of Chief Pleas, so I won't bore you further.

Education

Sark School is the only school on the island and caters for children from 3 to 13. Beyond that Children would need to continue their education either in Guernsey or the UK, or wherever you decide to send them.

Law and Order

Constable

The Constable and their deputy, the Vingtenier, are volunteers elected each year by Chief Pleas for a year in the role. The two are on call twenty-four hours a day. They are supported by a number of Special Constables.

If there are any serious issues then Guernsey Police will be called in to assist.

Of course Sark also has the worlds smallest active prison. You really don't want to spend a night there, so behave.

Court

The Seneschal of Sark presides over the island court, the Seneschal sits alone. The actions of the court are supported by the Prévôt (sheriff) and Greffier (Clerk of the Court). In the event of more difficult matters, or where there is a conflict of interest, then deputies to the officers or Lieutenant Seneschals may be appointed.

Clameur de Haro

As Sark is steeped in Norman Law, Clameur de Haro still applies. It doesn't get used too often, but it's always there if you need it. If you're really interested in the local way of applying it then contact Paul Armorgie as he's used it in the past.

You'll need two witnesses...

Haro! Haro! Haro! À l'aide, mon Prince, on me fait tort. 

Notre Père qui est aux cieux.Ton nom soit sanctifié.Ton règne vienne.Ta volonté soit faite sur la terre comme au ciel.Donne-nous aujourd'hui notre pain quotidien.Et nous pardonne nos offenses, comme nous pardonnons à ceux qui nous ont offensés.Et ne nous induis point en tentation, mais délivre-nous du mal.

Failing that, there's a summary in Wikipedia.

Driving licence

Speak to the Constable about the process for getting a tractor driving licence.

If you have a UK licence then you must exchange it for a Guernsey licence within 12 months of moving here. As it is you won't be able to put your shiny new Sark address on a UK licence. Similarly, if you still own a car in the UK, then you can't change the registered keeper address to Sark.

The licence exchange process is fairly simple unless like me, you're over 45 and you have certain classifications on your licence that you'd like to keep. If so then you will need a medical from the doctor. There are two different medical forms, make sure you have the right one! If not, like me, you will end up making two trips to St Sampson to sort out your licence.

Deep joy.

Whilst we're on the subject, if you bring your car to Guernsey permanently, i.e. over six months, and you can find somewhere to store it, remember no cars on Sark, then you will definitely have to pay a First Registration duty (on a sliding scale depending on how many trees yours eats, mine eats trees and squirrels) but you may also have to pay a Customs Import Duty under some circumstances.

On the plus side, you will get a very cool registration number!

Facilities

If you have a need to hire a room for an event, you can find reasonably priced rooms at both the Island Hall and the Sark Sanctuary Centre.

Finding out more

Ask, there are plenty of people on the island who will happily tell you about life here. Of course there is an awful lot covered elsewhere around pubs, hotels and so forth, but that's not what this blog post was about.

When you're doing your research you will, inevitably also come across the so called Sark Newspaper, if you read it then please keep in mind it doesn't give anything like an accurate picture of island life, if anything you might find it puts you off because it paints an extremely negative and vexed view of the island. Which is a great pity.