Why moving house moved me in many ways

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we have recently moved from Žnjan to Kaštela Lukšić. It’s been a long time since I moved anywhere. It is easier to write and think about this latest move now because the stress has receded into last week's brainfart-chaos and I can now laugh at some of my absurdity. I wanted to reflect on why it caused me such drama, in comparison to other moves I have undertaken.

Is it sentiment?

Is it because I’m stuck?

Is it a control issue?

Let’s address each one in turn. 

Is it because I am sentimental? We lived in the same place for five and a half years; it saw us get married, kept us cocooned through the pandemic, and enabled me to work happily undisturbed for many years. I enjoyed living on the periphery of town, with the convenience of being both central and apart from everything. And the bliss of being able to paddle along the coast was unparalleled.

Is it because I am stuck? This is a tough one to answer honestly. The whole point of moving to Croatia all those many years ago was to embrace change, to say yes to uncertainty, and to see where the wind took me. However, somewhere along the path of true love, I stopped moving. It was like I took a break to smell the roses but then fell into a pollinated stupor. 

This sounds negative and I don’t want it to because I love who I am with, where I am and what I'm doing. We can all get stuck in a rut so I am grateful that this move has generated a reaction, relative discomfort, and forced me to examine my living routine. 

Certainly, over the past few months, the work at the village house has set me on a new path, and for that I am grateful. But there has to be something more, something that affects my willingness to leap out of bed every morning. A new environment requires new habits and resolutions - is mid-Lent too late to make any? I have so many questions:

• Should I organise some local events?
• Should I learn a new skill?
• Should I get out and do something more community-based? 

Is it because I like feeling in control? Everyone enjoys feeling in control of their lives and being able to make a choice - it should be a basic right for everyone! But how much are we able to really choose? Even when I had total freedom to travel and go wherever, I was still limited by work, money, bus routes, and my own imagination. However, I felt like I was choosing to do something - or not.

View of Kozjak from the hall window 

The anger and dismay I felt when we were told we had to move felt irrational and illogical. I am still not sure why I had this reaction. Perhaps it is being told no and not being able to negotiate. This is when the adult part of you just has to suck it up and deal, after all, we are still lucky enough to have a choice. For example, where to live, how much to spend, and other life questions.

I learned that last year when I left my job. Part of me feels that we should have moved to a different apartment then, because it’s like I was holding onto something way longer than was healthy. A wise friend of mine says that we should move every five years or so, move house, move job or make some other profound change because we are at risk of stagnation. 

I think that my response to the move is a result of all three and it is important to recognise how I feel. I want to use the positive - and negative - feelings and direct them into something useful. Let’s supercharge that paddleboard from Žnjan to Kaštela and allow that momentum to take me up and over Kozjak and beyond.