Experimental writing 2: A new start

Chapter One

It wasn’t the first time Clare had left him. But it was the first time she hadn’t told him she was going.

No blazing row, no overwrought email, no sulking endless text war. Just... absence. A vacancy. Not so much a grand exit as a quiet unfollowing of a story that had long since stopped making sense. She’d simply booked the holiday, clicked confirm, and boarded a plane with nothing but suncream, shoes for every eventuality, some cute beachwear, and the faintest whiff of defiance.

Snakes and ladders, and other nonsense

Where are we at the village house after this two-week hiatus of moving? After the house move, my routine is definitely out of whack, which combined with a head cold allergy combo, meant that my brain was feeling a bit scatty (no change there then!). I forgot my coat, the firelighters, and the better-tasting bread. Such is life. This blocked nose didn't bode well for all the bending over and hacking at weeds.

We pulled up to the house to the delights of spring; the trees are covered in pale green leaves and shoots, the forsythia is glowing yellow, the wild cherry is humming with insects, and the fields up the hill are carpeted in glorious dandelions. The scent all around is delicious and everything is vibrating with life and growth.

Which is why I found myself crawling around under the house on snake patrol. When Boško was a youngster, the village house was a haven for the famous poskok, the viper which terrorises the Dalmatian hinterland. We have many storage rooms under the house which he was refusing to go near. He volunteered me, because whether it is blissful ignorance or what, I have no fear of snakes.

He informed me that snakes are discouraged by the scent of crumbled firelighters, so I was opening doors and throwing in handfuls of crumbs, praying that nothing shot out to escape the smell. Thankfully nothing snakey emerged.

“Waaaaaaah!”

“What!!!, what is it, is it a snake”, I heard him call out as I shrieked in alarm.

“Oh, just a small wood scorpion. He crept up on me as I opened one of the doors.”

Honestly, if I thought about snakes, pests, bugs, etc., too much, I probably wouldn’t even open the outdoor toilet door. Or wander down the garden, or even get out of the car. I remember seeing a huge snake curled up in a comfy-looking knot at my dad’s place in Spain once. It was under a manhole cover where the main water tap was and he needed to turn off the water. He had to move it with a broom handle. By this point, both my stepmum and I were hiding upstairs looking out of the bathroom window…

But I digress. After ensuring all the wildlife was in its rightful place, Boško was happy to come and explore the contents of the storage cupboards. The scaffolding, wood, barbed wire, piping, and all sorts of practical detritus will probably come in handy one day. The fastenings for the scaffolding are going to need a world of WD40 but that is an issue for another day.

After that excitement, it was time to once again hit the pile of charred wood, leaves, grass and other stuff that had been left from one of the fires a few months ago. This work is back-breaking but I was on the home straight of this pile now. Hack, pull, throw… hack, hack, pull, fall backwards, throw. It's comical, if you're the one watching!

Some of the greenery I was pulling up was still embedded in the earth. When I pull on these thorny shoots, it makes my middle finger nerve tingle. Weird. The brambles really need removing by the root because they get out of control, and the land becomes impassable. The pile of stuff behind me is happily getting bigger which is a fire for the next time we come over.

Success! The ground between the two dead walnut trees is now flat and clean, requiring only a going over with the rotavator to make it plant-ready. The ash, mulch and rotting vegetation is looking really healthy which bodes well for anything we plant here. As for the two dead trees, they will have to come down eventually but in the meantime, it’s a shady spot.

So what has Boško been up to in the meantime? Do you remember the ladder problem? The staircase at the back of the house has been coming along rapidly. That is to say, Dalmatian rapidly. Everything takes longer than expected, which is why it has taken a few months to put together the wooden framework to support the concrete. He tells me he tested the structure by running up and down it and jumping up and down.

I wonder why the neighbours haven’t been over recently?

Needless to say, his wooden frame is solid, the concrete pillars immovable, and the man is happy with the progress. He is excited for me to be able to go upstairs and see the views from what will be our future home. His enthusiasm is rare so it makes me happy to see him so eager to get this stairway done. Nearly there! We are hoping to get the doorway cut out and the new frame and shuttered door in by the end of this weekend.

Did I mention the electrics? His best friend is an electrician and they both went up to the house a few weeks ago. The fusebox was one of the old-fashioned types which consisted of a collection of knob-type connections, with added dinar coins to ensure everything was working well. This wasn’t ideal. However, being the incredible electrics whisperer that he is, he replaced it. Without turning off the electricity. How this man is still alive, I have no idea. We now have a nice new box, which is fastened to the wall using an old cabinet and a piece of wood from a bed. 

My next job is to clear all the newly exposed tree roots from the field. Our digger man came over about a month ago and unearthed some of the more stubborn vines and hackberry trees. Once again this will require more pulling, snipping, and chopping. Once this has been done, the true test of our hard work will be some rotavating. Nonetheless, whilst the field is in this state of nakedness, it makes me sad to see it.

From the neglected jungle to the blasted earth, the garden will get worse before it gets better. But on the bright side, there will be fewer opportunities for us to stand on snakes and all parts of the house and land are accessible, sans stepladders, which is precisely what we were aiming for this spring/summer.

Why moving house moved me in many ways

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we have recently moved from Žnjan to Kaštela Lukšić. It’s been a long time since I moved anywhere. It is easier to write and think about this latest move now because the stress has receded into last week's brainfart-chaos and I can now laugh at some of my absurdity. I wanted to reflect on why it caused me such drama, in comparison to other moves I have undertaken.

Is it sentiment?

Is it because I’m stuck?

Is it a control issue?

Let’s address each one in turn. 

Steps, swearing and cats; Or going up in the world...

What is the point of having a second storey if there is no way up? That is to say, there is a way up but if you have vertigo as bad as me, then there is not a chance of getting me up that step ladder. It is a perfectly wonderful, sturdy well-put-together ladder, as demonstrated by my large Dalmatian man scooting up and down it. Am I going up it? No. I am told I am missing out on the untold beauties of the view from the terrace. Still not going up there.

We need something more permanent and vertigo-friendly. If you look around at many of the houses around the village and beyond, most of the Dalmatian concrete houses of the '80s look similar; a large rectangular footprint, reminiscent of a child’s drawing, with a front door centred between two windows that open onto a long terrace. Upstairs, the layout repeats, typically reached by a set of concrete steps along the side.

Autumn postcards of village life

Two small pieces about recent events. Life in the village has hotted up, just as the weather has cooled down. I'm just grateful that we have a wood-burning stove to make hot tea when we are working. Obviously this is based on fact but some elements have been embroidered where necessary! 

The story of the vengeful fox and her spiky sidekick

Animals with attitude are the best. Or in this random skit they are actually the best worst. Did you know that a fox can hold a grudge and a hedgehogs a spiky little sidekick? An avenging duo of amazing attitude.

When a fox has ravished your mum's chickens and picked a fight with your favourite cat, it can make a man feel unreasonable. He sits on the porch, polishing an ancient air gun. It’s springs are barely there and the sight is … well, blind.

How can you change your fitness at 50?

Here are some things I've been doing recently!

• Trying out an alternative diet and lifestyle
• Challenging myself with new workouts 
• Enjoying coffee in new locations!
• Becoming 50 years old!

I've been needing a new perspective for a while now; change can be a terrifying positive! To reimagine the words of Shakespeare, "some are born amidst change, some achieve change, and others have change thrust upon them". Being the agent of your own change is a challenge, which is why the 3-month fitness regime last year was useful. But what happens when you are told you *must* make changes?

In my case, it was dietary. Diets are a PITA because unless there is some kind of end goal, what's the point? I'm hopeless at sticking with them because life always gets in the way. But what happens if ill-health gets in the way of life? After a scary seizure back in May, I did the whole health check-up thing and discovered low blood pressure and high cholesterol levels. 

So what have I changed?

Of course, I could maintain a dietary status quo and simply take medication. It would be the easy way out. Eating in the traditional Croatian way isn't inherently unhealthy because it is fresh, homemade, and wholesome. Cheese, meat, ham, fish, eggs, baked goods, butter, mayonnaise, oils, and so many veggies - inherently, nothing wrong with all of those, in moderation. But my system struggles with meat and it has taken time to admit this!!

But why should my health suffer because I'm too anxious to please, to clear my plate, and to not cause trouble!? It's a choice, isn't it? How do I achieve healthy cholesterol level changes? By taking control and being responsible for my health.

A librarian will always hit the books to find some proper information about this. September's health programme taught me the importance of protein to build muscle and maintain fitness. I needed inspiration and I wanted to understand more of the science behind dietary fat. How do you plan meals and food shopping trips? I cannot afford to fail this so I need something that I can stick with. 

I'm uncompromising on milk in my tea and coffee - but all the other dairy is out. This is what I took away from the reading I did - here is my daily food plan 

Breakfast options

• Protein powder, seasonal fruit, cucumber, plant-based milk, oats, peanut butter - this is a massive breakfast and a great start to the day. It's varied enough with flavours and options to keep it interesting. If I fancy something savoury - 
• Beans on toast
• Fish with fresh bread
• An occasional poached egg!!! I love eggs and they are free-range and organic. What's not to love?

Lunch/Dinner options

• Tofu, vegetable and noodle stir fry
• All types of bean patties with a mix of flavours to keep it interesting. For example, black bean and chilli, brown bean and onion. These are great in tortillas with added sauce and salad.
• Quinoa and sweet potato patties (in the pic above!). Soak that quinoa!!! Finally discovered that this stuff is edible if it is soaked for an hour in water beforehand.
• Courgettes with tomato and soy mince stuffing. 
• Cauliflower steaks with various toppings
• Anything with tinned or fresh fish! Tomato and tuna pasta is great. Fresh grilled fish with potatoes and greens is a meal fit for a birthday queen.
• Fishcakes - potatoes and whatever fish there is!
• So many tomatoes and courgettes from the garden!
• Adding nuts and seeds to everything!

Recently I've also been experimenting with chickpea flour. Cauliflower and chickpea flour fritters are epic and I really enjoyed the banana and chickpea flour bread. This is something that I am happy to incorporate into my diet. Soy mince is a great addition and I will be happy to experiment further but soy steaks I think I can omit! Gross things!

How do I feel about all this? Someone asked me if I feel deprived? No, the benefits outweigh any disadvantages. My gut has never felt healthier and I am extremely - ahem - regular!  It's a bit of a challenge to eat out or at family get-togethers because it's all about the cheese and meat! If I am strict when I can be in control, then that allows me some leeway when I am out. Moderation is everything.

I haven't really lost any weight but I need to commit more to the exercise. If I am going to do something this drastic with the diet, it seems a shame not to tweak my workout programme to match. Summer is here which means that it can be too hot to be outside but I've done 2x 5-day Fitness-Blender challenges and everything is aching in just the right way. Paddle boarding is great and I'm walking as much as possible, heat permitting. With a daily average of 420 movement calories being burned, that can make a real difference, 

Sometimes coffee is the only thing you want to do when you are sitting in a cafe under a shady tree on the beach! We've been to some beautiful places and I am grateful to my beloved. But you can always have a cool swim as well! Just don't have that doughnut...