Are you feeling comfortable?

A thought occurred to me the other morning whilst I was out jogging. The little electronic voice in my head tells me at every run interval to "run at a comfortable pace" and this got me thinking about my January determination to get healthier. The whole exercise is about becoming more comfortable in my clothes, getting comfortable in some new yoga positions and never being comfortable at work!

Working at a comfortable pace

It's hard to move when you're tied to a computer. I said in an earlier post that work was a blocker to health but it's been a relatively good work week - challenging, mutable, and buckets of learning new stuff, as usual. It's interesting and I'm not sure whether it's related, but I've found I'm far more chilled this past few weeks. 

Slip into some comfortable clothing

I've never done yoga 10 days straight! It's a 2022 miracle and demonstrates that I was really ready for some regular exercise. Yoga With Adriene has been challenging because it's been strong, mobile, and restful. There was one day that I felt I couldn't continue because everything was aching but as if she was reading our mind, we had a session where it was gentle. Blissful. 

No need to comfort eat

The more I sit up tall and run with pride, the better I feel about my stomach. The muscles are definitely tightening which means I am feeling more comfortable with my silhouette and less likely to overeat. I'm constantly hungry which is making me feel energised and determined. There has to be a way to stop eating buttered toast and honey but as I managed before, I'll just have to keep running. 

Bad, bad bread. This isn't comfort, it's an essential!

Macaroni cheese, pizza, minestrone, roast chicken and sweet potato mash, yes ok, this is the best kind of healthy eating. Icy Bura has been blowing for a week now and there is a medical need for solid calorie loaded nosh. But I've enjoyed small portions!

Let's keep this going - at a comfortable pace. 

Let them eat garlic

 Just checking in... kako smo? How are we? I'm in my favourite beach bar as the sun goes down. I must confess that the first week of the year has gone well in pretty much every way and I'm thankful for the blessings around me (as opposed to counting them, which is what I generally do when I'm feeling fed up!). 

One thing I love when I'm on a healthy living kick is the apparent lightness of stomach. It's not a visible thing, but I seem to have an easier relationship with my gut. I've been eating nuts, dried fruit, oats, bananas, broccoli - everything which makes for a happy tum. I'll see how I feel later after the rogue panettone I had for breakfast!

Running News

Let's shake it up and talk about themes rather than boring day by day. I am proud of the running that I've been doing - on Thursday I went back to a previous easier interval training session because I am nervous of injury. One minute walking and two minutes running for a total for 30 mins felt like a real win and my ankles/knees didn't complain. 

When I'm out in the morning, I am so happy to see nature all around me. The bird life is extraordinary - the little darting field larks pop out when I run past; bobbing wagtails scoot in front of me; charms of goldfinches circle overhead to drop and land on trees nearby, and attracted by all the small birds, birds of prey circle overhead.  As I see each one, I bid them all good day! It makes running much more pleasurable.

Yoga News

Well. I must confess I've never taken a programme seriously but I've managed to turn up everyday for Yoga With Adriene's "Move". I did "Deepen" earlier today and there was a lot of hip opening work, whilst yesterday's "Flow" nearly finished me off. It's been challenging but so far, I'm really staying open minded and going with it which is a positive sign.

Having bunny occasionally join me on the yoga mat is also a delight. I mean, you're gonna hold your planks for longer if there is a small fluffy creature underneath you! When you're told to go to child's pose, what is more adorable than a bun licking your toes? Yes, pure childish giggling nonsense is the best way to do yoga!

Fooooood News

I've already mentioned that the choice of breakfast additions have improved. I enjoy adding dried fruit to my porridge. Don't laugh, but I store my oats in a recycled roast pepper jar - despite thorough cleaning and repeating washing, my oats have a definite pepper flavour. This means I have to add more sugar to taste (or untaste). Idiot. 

I've managed to mostly stay under 1500cals a day. It's not really about the weighing or counting, it's about the general quantities - as long as I go to bed hungry, I know it works. A hearty breakfast, something soupy for lunch and a mid afternoon snack is the way forward. My mother in law did salt cod this week and has decided that the cure for everything is garlic. 

Did I mention garlic.

The reason people wear masks in Split is to protect themselves from my garlic breath. Strangely I haven't had a cold yet this year! Keep eating garlic, folks, clearly it works.

All in all

I'm still stuck on 75kg BUT I have been informed that there is something more sleek about my upper thighs and butt. I've not noticed a difference in my jeans as yet but, as I mentioned above, I feel "lighter". Frankly, I'm happy with that - as is my gentleman!!

Let's keep with the programme

It's been a week since the Grand Plan was initiated and now this is where the going gets tough. Today is my first day back at work and I'm back into a sedentary routine. Unless I can keep going with the running, HIIT, yoga and walking, I'm going to be back to square one. 

On the bright side, I'm 2kg lighter at 75kg, which must be water and/or prosecco loss. Certainly the jeans are still a bit tight but that is probably the mother-in-law's glorious fried chicken and epic stuffed cabbage. What can I say, it's been sunny but very cold!

What happened?

Thursday

I said I was going to run. I didn't! Shit happens. Instead we went on a small trip up the coast - as the poor man has a bad knee so we are limited to short walks. We walked up to various viewpoints, what we lost in length of hike, we made up for in huffing and puffing up steep hills!

Friday

New Year's Eve! I swam and washed off all the 2021 pain - tingling, alive, blue, and utterly mind-blown! The other plan was for 10,000 steps min walking and that is what I achieved. Don't tell anyone that some of it was earned whilst walking around town during hunts for drinks! Wine, Irish coffees, prosecco...but there you go! Happy New Year

New Year's Day

What a sunny one! And so much food for breakfast and lunch - I made pancakes to ease the hangover pain, and we had stuffed cabbage and mashed potato for lunch. I had to have an afternoon nap and that is the best way to see the first day of the NY. 

Sunday

Here we are and we took a trip to where our drinking water comes from! The source of the river Cetina is a heavenly place. We ended the day with a romantic walk to watch the sun go down. 

Monday

A day of rest with lots of short walks. Given we'd seen the sunset the night before, we got up and watched the sun rise. Coffee in Podstrana, shopping in Lidl, life clearly doesn't get much better. When I got home, I started with the Yoga with Adriene "Move" for January. A winning day with over 2100 calories burnt!

As I head into a new week, it's always amusing to make predictions because you know it is pure fiction. 

Today

A glorious early morning run, with some spontaneous HIIT on the beach. I will do the yoga later today. Maybe even a walk. There was talk of shrimp risotto later - I have already eaten more than I should. What a pain! Porridge and dried apricots, broccoli and cauliflower soup (with irresistible bread). 

Wednesday - Friday

Wednesday is a rest day with a lovely morning walk! Will do the extended HIIT work out which won't attack my knees! Will repeat today's running intervals on Thursday because it was a toughy! Given that the man is still at home, on Friday anything could happen! 

To remember a friend

I cannot write anything today without acknowledging the sad loss of a wonderful person. We may have lost touch over the years, but people who touch your heart and inspire you to become your "best self" at must be remembered. That person was Kate Pitt.

In 1999, a professional support lawyer at Sidley & Austin introduced me to a marvellous City of London Choir called EC4. Despite being challenged both in the singing voice and music reading department, they welcomed me warmly. Before departing British shores, I participated for many years and we all awaited Lowry's massive admin emails with great anticipation, knowing we were in for a lot of fun, hard work and great memories.

For over 10 years or so, that choir took me through love, loss, break-ups, new jobs, and remained a constant source of delight and energy. I would arrive at St Brides for evening rehearsals utterly exhausted and within 10 mins be glowing; standing pilates, breathing exercises, mmmmming and ahhhhhhing and feeling joyous. 

Our wonderful leader would extract every last piece of talent and ability. We created music fit for the Royal Festival Hall, the Guildhall, churches all over the City of London, and most memorably for the Queen at a concert in aid of Coram. We also participated in Big Sings, Songs of Praise and multiple Christmas Concerts. 

When I joined the choir, Kate was one of the first people that I was to get to know. She was always exceedingly kind, patient, generous, sociable and lovely. Her laugh, her bubbliness, and confidence blew me away - and that's before she started singing. Her voice would have me in tears with its rich and sweet quality - even now as I listen to EC4's Mozart's Requiem, she is here with me. 

And then there was the friends I made during that time. What a time it was! Unforgettable birthday T-shirts, amazing get-togethers and evenings out that I can't even remember! Kate, I'm sorry we haven't seen each other in years, but you are remembered, missed and loved. 

Boobies bobbing and belly blubber floating!

It seems Operation Bikini Belly is off to a flying start. Gosh! What an image and exactly what the good people on Znjan got today. As this last day of 2021 was gloriously sunny and the sea like a mirror, I wanted the tingly goodness of icy water on my skin. Boobies bobbing and belly blubber floating!

Not to mention that 30 second swim must have burned 1000 calories. I felt very alive!

As this remains a contrary diet, I neither managed a run nor yoga yesterday. Turns out, still not big on planning or even executing planned plans. This is what I did instead:

We walked a total of 5000 steps up to some great viewing points! It was a day of steep hills, incredible beaches, scented forests and open skies. Sometimes it’s not about the exercise, we all need days-out like this simply to enjoy and re-energise. I must note that snacks would have been a good idea, as I was hangry by the time we got back at 5pm!

But I avoided the junk food and energy drinks and stuck to the cream of cauliflower soup, followed by mackerel with cabbage that I’d got ready the day before. The reheated creamy soup was frankly the best I’d ever tasted; it’s funny I’ve forgotten what it is like to really appreciate what hunger does to taste.

Today has again just been about enjoying the moment. An early start meant a coffee on the beach and a wander round Lidl. I picked up baked beans cos yummy, and somebody else chose tiramisu and popcorn. As he says, he will lose weight in his own sweet (very sweet) way.

Before Christmas I ordered some jumpers as I was totally depressed by my ancient and worn out collection. In the sale, I got a glorious fluffy red one, two striped ones (*sigh* no clue how I got two of the same), and some sexy thermals. But being rather down on myself I also ordered some pyjamas in XL.

Dearest reader, they are huge.

Huge. HUGE!

As a result, my man now has some fetching berry coloured pjs with a pattern of happy leopards leaping all over them. I’m grateful that they hang on me because at least that means I’m not extra large!

My brunch of poached eggs on avocado and bread was smashing. Must say, it’s one of my favourites. This evening I’ve considered boiling rice for sushi, prepping celeriac for soup…. Or simply bread and cheese! And in the end, I opted for apple and celeriac soup, whizzed up with some cream.

Later, there will be fizzy wine and cocktails as it is New Year!! Let’s peace out, relax and make merry.

My jeans don't fit like they used to; Or, I'm now a fat bottomed girl!

I did the unthinkable just after Christmas. 

I read a tweet about "which is more frightening: a lateral flow test or getting on the weighing scales". Fuck corona, I'm far more worried about my weight. Anyway, I did the ultimate test and found out I was 77kg and that was horrible. I didn't have to  know the actual numbers, I know I am bigger than I was, simply because my jeans don't fit. With this in mind, what should I do next?

First off. Don't panic! 

I'm already running 5km once a week and have no ill effects from my intermittently naughty achilles tendon. I've also double checked my local hotel gym and I am happy to invest some money and time in that. I can live with sauna heat and swimming in winter. 

Secondly. Think positive 

Let's take some sensible baby steps and make some changes for the next 6 weeks. Scrap that, let's just take the first week. I've already done one day, and this is the second day - so only 5 days of this week left to go. I have a plan and I've been shopping for nice food things.

Thirdly. Get support

My man is also positive about Operation Bikini Belly because he has also weighed himself and had a mild panic attack. He has sworn off sausages for the next few weeks, which is epic for him! 

Fourthly. Why this extra weight has gone on?

When I said to the man I need to be more disciplined when it comes to food and exercise, he replied that our comfortable and relaxed life has made us fatter! I've never been happier in a relationship and there is no pressure to be a certain way. This enjoyment of roast lunches, cheesy burek, garlicky soparnik, and lots of meat has certainly contributed to my heaviness.

Sitting at a desk for a million hours a week is also an issue. My energy levels have dropped off a cliff and on certain days I can go from bed to desk and back to bed with a film without a blink. It's a disaster for the belly. With more exercise, I'm hoping that I can raise my stamina and energy!

Bloody hormones. They are the bane of my life - when I first went on HRT, the weight fell off and I felt incredible. 10 years later, I'm back to square one and my metabolic rate has dropped again which means my arse has expanded and expanded. 

Enough excuses, it is what it is and if I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my favourite jeans, then I have to do some thing.

The Plan

This is my plan for the rest of the week. It seems a bit keen to get cracking on this over Christmas but it's nice to do exercise whilst not at work!

Monday 

I had a wonderful walk into town and decided to go up into Marjan forest for the first time in ages. It was muddy, glorious, and the perfect temperature for walking. Food-wise, it wasn't perfect but after 20,000 steps and burning of 2500 calories, I decided it didn't matter that much. Two poached eggs for breakfast, a small beer whilst waiting for my mate, and a convivial dirty Chinese takeaway of noodles and duck in the evening! We even managed to limit the festive G&T's which was remarkable. This was the only start to a contrary diet!

Tuesday

Weigh-in day - 77kg. Started off with a walk around town with my mate and we got up to 15,000 steps. I was left to my own devices in the afternoon and headed to the aforementioned gym for an hour - cycling, weights, HIIT. Then an hour in the swimming pool and spa. For food, I had toast, yogurt and a pizza slice for lunch. What can I say, we were in town and hungry! Evening snack of a banana and a mince pie - once they are gone, they are gone!

Wednesday

This is the day that I'm committing the plan to paper. It's also a day of relative rest as I've recently  rediscovered some muscles. Just a stroll to get to 10,000 steps - the walk to the supermarket means I've stocked the fridge with healthy stuff, and bunny got some greens when I went for a walk to the beach! Yoga to ease the stiffness later. I enjoyed avocado and crab sticks on bread for brunch, and will have veggie soup for dinner.

Thursday

Tomorrow I am due to run again. I mentioned earlier that I was running sporadically and I am proud to think that I will finish December on a high - I will beat July's total and will finish just behind April with about 30km ran in a month. This nowhere near my old statistics but is better than nothing. #BeKind. I aim for 40km a month as I head into Spring. There will be a HIIT workout to cool down later. Fruit smoothie for breakfast and I believe there is mackerel for lunch!

Friday

New Year's Eve! Let's aim for 10,000 steps min walking, some yoga, and a HIIT. 

Saturday/Sunday

I am hoping to go on a sunny day trip with my beloved on Saturday. I'm even hoping to get into the sea this weekend because the forecast is looking great. Let's stay flexible, eat sensibly, and be loving and positive. 

The Wednesday Shopping

I always know when I'm healthy food shopping as my basket weighs a ton. Yogurt, frozen fruits, fruit juice, a cauliflower, tins of beans, tuna and tomatoes, oats, avocados, onions - this is all lovely stuff for easy tasty food for this week. 

Right, I'm off. I'm hungry now and fancy some cauliflower and bean soup! See you tomorrow for a mood update. 

Experimental writing 1: A missed connection

Prologue

It had always been the colours. Everything about this place had enriched her vision; it wasn’t just the the blue of the sky or green of the woodlands. It was also the clarity of thought which the open sea offered. She trod water and against the turquoise depths, looked down at the new jewels on her finger. The glittering wedding ring of emerald green and sapphire blue seemed to be part of the water, part of her. She moved suddenly, twisting and diving, a perfect physical expression of the pure joy she felt. She was finally at peace with all facets of her life for once. It seems miracles do happen.

***

She was excited about the thought of spending a couple of months staying with her best friend. When you meet your soul mate time apart doesn’t seem to count, so even though it had only been eight short weeks since she had been on Sark with Vicky, she was looking forward to more time on the island with her. She had enjoyed the time there earlier in the year and a germ of an idea was forming about a move to the Channel Islands. She just needed to be certain it was right. 

After several years abroad, she had certainly not given up on the idea of remaining in Dalmatia but there were European events to consider; who knows if she would be able to stay indefinitely, even if it was now her only home. She considered getting her own little clifftop stone cottage and join the friendly, slightly crazy community of people on that isolated rock. She could do lonely and windswept, and, she mused, it would be nice to be reunited with her books too. Whatever the outcome it was better than being back in London, or some other place in the UK. 

The UK in 2019 was an unwelcoming and unfamiliar place. She often had to return there for work purposes and despite the intensity of her job and the consuming nature of interesting conversations with like minded people, it was no longer her spiritual home;  that busy world had faded from her mind and she no longer suffered pangs when a new exhibition opened. FOMO had FO. She only missed certain friends, and she often thought of her family. Meeting with her brother in Brighton whilst she had been at a conference had been a real treat. There is nothing like a hug from a family member to make you feel warm and loved. Anyway, all she knew was that the first time she sailed out of Poole towards Guernsey, she didn’t look back, but faced forward, leaving exhaustion and hangover work conference fumes behind her. 

***

"Wake up, wake up”, screamed an alarm clock at 5.30am.

It was an early start on this particular two day voyage. Getting from Split to Sark was a logistical nightmare and involved a change in Germany, an overnight stay in an overpriced Guernsey Airbnb so she could get the first ferry out to Sark. Typically she hadn’t checked the calendar properly when she’d booked the flights and she had managed to include a bank holiday weekend which meant everyone was going to the Channel Islands at the same time as she was. Or so it felt. 

A sleepy lift to the airport and a hug from a friend sent her on her way. She was soon regretting her decision to arrive early as she waited and waited for the gate to open. As it happens the flight was delayed leaving and  she experienced a fleeting unease about her connection in Stuttgart. She dismissed it remembering how she’d managed to catch every other connecting flight during those awkward off-season trips. She was determined not to feel anxious, what could possibly go wrong?

Thirty minutes into the short flight, through her headphones, she heard her name being announced over the tannoy. What on earth was going on?

“Excuse me, I understand you have a connecting flight? Would you come to the front of the cabin?”, the flight attendant explained. "You will get off first and must run through the terminal because you have no time to lose. We will ask them to hold the flight for you and you will be fine but you must not stop and have a beer.”

Having a beer wasn’t really her first thought when she had a tight connection to make. Although she oddly felt in need of a stiff drink now - full anxiety mode had kicked in. She sat there, green-faced, clutching her handbag, poised and ready to fly off the plane as soon as it was ready. 

It was inevitable. She had finally met her airport match and her travel luck had run out, along with the once-a-week flight to the Channel Islands. Clearly they hadn’t received the message that someone else was joining them from another flight. She wandered miserably back through the terminal towards baggage reclaim, where she waited ages for her bag to appear. Frankly she was just relieved that it hadn’t decided to take the flight without her! She had no idea what to do next, so went to have a conversation with a brisk but kindly lady at the airport information desk. She was offered another ticket which promised a 15 minute run through Birmingham International airport, and an over-night in Jersey. Another Airbnb at stupidly inflated prices, IF she made that midlands-channel island connection. 

“Seriously? You want me to get on a flight with another tight connection, after missing this one?” The patient woman looked sympathetic. Close to tears, Clare made an instant decision and begged for a flight back home to Split and was efficiently provided with a ticket for the next day and hotel vouchers. Slightly dazed and unthinking, she checked in and entered a smart hotel bedroom. Hot, dishevelled and tears starting to fall, she sat on the bed. Vicky was given the story and both of them decided this was the best thing to do, despite the obvious sadness. There would be other opportunities. 

There wasn’t much else to do but get changed and get something to eat and drink. The wine waiter decided that she was in need of cheering up and instead of the glass she’d ordered, he brought the entire bottle. 

It was an uneventful journey home and the same friend that dropped her off, picked her up at the airport. The Dalmatian “what can you do" shrug was contagious, and the warm hugging weather did it’s best to cheer her up. How sad can you stay when the sun and light gives you such a welcome home? With this in her mind, she decided to book a proper tourist boat trip for her bank holiday treat for the coming Monday. What better way of contemplating the future is there than bowling along on the waves of the Adriatic?